FinermanWorks

Yes, I am still waiting for the election results. That means you are, too. Sorry.

(Between us, I am guessing that it will be another two weeks or so. I imagine the ballots are being counted at Sony Headquarters–where there is a risk of them being stolen by Alan Rickman’s gang in “Die Hard.” Yes, Bruce Willis will save the day, but then he is going to spill a beer on the ballots. They then will be unreadable, and the Supreme Court will get involved.  On its standard 5 to 4 decision the Court will pick the contestant from a Red State. I will get a lovely sympathy note from Ruth Bader Ginsberg.)

Now, that the campaign is over I can revert to my dour, humorless self.  On second thought, there will be a 40th Tournament…So I had better remain droll and charming.

I owe so many of you my thanks.  Tomorrow I will recount my adventures and debts.  In the meantime, I owe someone a Birthday Greeting.  Karen Finerman—alias that long-suffering woman you all pity–today has turned thirty (for the second time).

So Happy Birthday Karen!  

p.s.  How many husbands would send a picture of St. Sebastian as a birthday card?

Eugene Speaks–and it is not in front of a Grand Jury!

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/video?id=9276079

Today is the last full day of this election, and I still need your votes:

(You haven’t memorized this yet?)  You can vote at three different sites today–and tomorrow until 7 a.m. Pacific time.

Jeopardy.com

website http://www.Jeopardy.com

Facebook

http://www.Facebook.com/Jeopardy

Twitter
Registered Twitter users can vote for me via http://www.Twitter.com simply by tweeting in the following format:
Eugene #JeopardyVote  (Remember to leave a space between Eugene and #)

Thank you for your efforts and patience.  Tomorrow I will be at the mercy of Diebold.

NO, I am not that much of a martyr or a head case.  It just another of my shameless attempts at attention, urging you to vote.  If you have not noticed that I am a candidate for Jeopardy’s Battle of the Decades, first let me welcome you back from Solitary Confinement.  The rest of you know–and aren’t allow to forget–that I am actively campaigning to win the popular vote and participate in Jeopardy’s upcoming tournament.

How vigorously am I campaigning?  Just a few moral compromises–Friending the Teamsters’ Union, etc–and working at an exhausting pace.  If I maintained this intensity and effort in my real writing, by now I would probably have a Pulitzer, some Emmys and an Oscar.  I also certainly would be dead.  (Autopsy report:  his heart murmur sounded like Wagner.)

But I still seem to be alive; in that case, please continue to vote for me and encourage others.  Just think of me as a cult.

The voting period continues until October 7th, 7 a.m.  Hollywood time.  And you can vote each day, at three different sites, and vote at each site.  

Jeopardy.com

website http://www.Jeopardy.com

Facebook

http://www.Facebook.com/Jeopardy

Twitter
Registered Twitter users can vote for me via http://www.Twitter.com simply by tweeting in the following format:
Eugene #JeopardyVote  (Remember to leave a space between Eugene and #)

Just one tweet per day during the voting period will be counted.

The Cult depends on you!

Five Medieval Relics Vying for One Throne

Why, after all these years, am I so eager to be back on Jeopardy!  Do you see Sally Field begging for another chance to play “The Flying Nun”?  Well, has anyone offered her the role?  You don’t think that Sister Bertille would want to teach comparative religions at Hogwarts?

Jeopardy is enticing me with a chance to appear in the Tournament of the Decayed.  Unfortunately, I have to defeat four other people to do so; two of them are friends.  No doubt, they are just as rueful about my demise.  I am comforted that Leah Greenwald would put my head on a nice stake.  Teak, perhaps–with a marzipan crown on my skull.

So have I committed myself to betrayal and destruction, just to answer Alex’s clues on medieval history?  You betcha!  Am I willing to risk my self-respect and soul for intellectual vanity?  No, I am doing it for the bribes.  There is a fortune to be made in product placement.

Let me tell you what my agent has already arranged.  I would appear on the show with a Speedzilla yarmulke and a Tiffany’s nose ring.  We are still negotiating with Wendy’s about the tie.  I also am to feign a lisp and mutter, “If only I had used ‘Polygrip.'”

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what Roger Ailes just offered me.  However, I can say what he offered the other contestants.  Perhaps, hypothetically, Fox News and Goldman Sachs might hate a Jeopardy contestant who is the Director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.  I believe the word bounty was used.  Maybe, $50,000 for defeating him, $100,000 for reducing him to tears.  Perhaps something seven figures if he tries hanging himself with the buzzer cord.

Of course, I had tell the producer about this plot.  She naturally was horrified and is deciding whether it would be good for the ratings.  Welcome to the Gameshow of Thrones.

 And since I am still breathing, I must still be in the running.  And I need your votes! 

The voting period continues until October 7th, 7 a.m.  Hollywood time.  And you can vote each day, at three different sites, and vote at each site.  (I will take Byzantine Rules for $2000, Alex.)  Yes, you can legally vote three times a day.

Jeopardy.com

website http://www.Jeopardy.com

Facebook

http://www.Facebook.com/Jeopardy to vote for your favorite relic via the Fan Favorites Voting Tab. Fans can choose their Fan Favorite (still ME!) from the pool of five nominees and click “Vote Now!”

Twitter
Registered Twitter users can vote for me via http://www.Twitter.com simply by tweeting in the following format:
Eugene #JeopardyVote  (Remember to leave a space between Eugene and #)

Just one tweet per day during the voting period will be counted.

Please vote and keep voting!

Thank you, Your Aspiring Marketing Mannequin

Of course, you are wondering  “How will Eugene react if he does not win the Jeopardy Fan Favorite competition?”

FinermanWorks became a site for historic pornography, and Eugene quickly cornered the market.  Who else knew the good stuff about the Byzantine empresses?  Under all those mosaics, they were naked!  True, it was a bit of an effort to pick away the right tiles–but it did put the arch in archaeology.

Not interested  in “Hot Babes of the Comnenian Dynasty” (in peel-off mosaics or peek-a-boo icons) ?   Eugene also offered the collection of centerfolds from the Book of Kells.    See St. Brigid the way that you always wanted to!  (All right, those Irish monks couldn’t draw well but it was the closest you’ll ever get to Maureen O’Hara having nude scenes in “Miracle on 34th Street”.)

Thanks to Eugene’s salacious scholarship, patriotic Americans no longer had to imagine Abigail Adams naked.  Eugene found Gilbert Stuart’s secret sketchbook.   In fact, FinermanWorks had all the First Ladies.  Grace Coolidge was a best seller.  (Only Rachel Maddow wanted Eleanor Roosevelt.)

And if you happened to be that way, your panderer-in-chief could offer pictures of gay Japanese samurai from the 16th century.  Two of the leading warlords weren’t interested in warladies.  Really.  To Uesugi Kenshin and Oda Nobunaga, shogun was as much a proposition as a title.

It was always an orgy at FinermanWorks…

NO, NO!  You must prevent this nightmare  (especially the part where I marry Jenny McCarthy)  by voting for Eugene:

Jeopardy.com

website http://www.Jeopardy.com

Facebook

http://www.Facebook.com/Jeopardy to vote for your favorite relic via the Fan Favorites Voting Tab. Fans can choose their Fan Favorite (still ME!) from the pool of five nominees and click “Vote Now!”

Twitter
Registered Twitter users can vote for me via http://www.Twitter.com simply by tweeting in the following format:
Eugene #JeopardyVote  (Remember to leave a space between Eugene and #)

Just one tweet per day during the voting period will be counted.

So, please vote and spare me from my sociopathic potential!

Here I am, with a few of my fans from Jeopardy

Yes, the voting continues.  So does my need for your votes.  If I don’t win, I will be so miserable that I will start acting my age.  Do you really want a 61 year-old grumpy version of me?

To avert that catastrophe, just vote at these sites:

Jeopardy.com

website http://www.Jeopardy.com people can choose their Fan Favorite (ME!) from the pool of five nominees and click the “Vote Now!” button.

Facebook
Registered Facebook users can visit http://www.Facebook.com/Jeopardy to vote for your favorite relic via the Fan Favorites Voting Tab. Fans can choose their Fan Favorite (still ME!) from the pool of five nominees and click “Vote Now!”

Twitter
Registered Twitter users can vote for me via http://www.Twitter.com simply by tweeting in the following format:
Eugene #JeopardyVote

(Just one tweet per day during the voting period will be counted.)

Or you can just ask me: finerman@comcast.net

Vote for me, get me back on Jeopardy and keep me the precocious brat I really am.

Me, the Jeopardy Champion–and Hadassah pinup–in 1987.  Do you think that history can repeat itself?  That depends on you!

Eugene Finerman, with 100 percent of his hair, reflexes and memory.

Jeopardy is celebrating its 30th Anniversary with a Special Tournament, featuring champions of the past three decades.  The public–alias you–can pick the contestants. 

In 1987 I won seven games, $69,502, a vacuum cleaner and 14 bags of chocolate chips.  I evidently also won a special place in the hearts of the Jeopardy producers.  Whether in fond memory or gleeful vengeance, Jeopardy has selected me as one of five nominees to be the Fan Favorite from the Eighties.

Yes, suddenly Jeopardy has become Gameshow of Thrones.  Only one of the five will participate in the Tournament:  the one with the most votes from the public.  So, I need your votes!

The voting period is from September 30th to October 7th, 7 a.m.  Hollywood time.  And you can vote each day, at three different sites, and vote at each site.  (I will take Byzantine Rules for $2000, Alex.)  Yes, you can legally vote three times a day.

Here are the three sites where you can vote:

Jeopardy.com
To vote on this website http://www.Jeopardy.com people can choose their Fan Favorite (ME!) from the pool of five nominees and click the “Vote Now!” button.

Facebook
Registered Facebook users can visit http://www.Facebook.com/Jeopardy to vote for your favorite relic via the Fan Favorites Voting Tab. Fans can choose their Fan Favorite (still ME!) from the pool of five nominees and click “Vote Now!”

Twitter
Registered Twitter users can vote for me via http://www.Twitter.com simply by tweeting in the following format:
Eugene#JeopardyVote

(Just one tweet per day during the voting period will be counted.)

Or you can just ask me: finerman@comcast.net

Yes, it is exhausting…but I am probably worth it.

By the way, in case you were wondering, Yes, I do want to go back on Jeopardy!  

With your help, I will!  Just vote and keep voting! 

Thank you, Eugene