Eugene Explains His Theory of Relativity
I did have the perfect audience.
Me: In “Oppenheimer” Tom Conti played you, adhering to the Hollywood casting of unattractive Italians as Jews.
Bert: I should be grateful it wasn’t John Turturro.
Me: Well, you were supposed to be likable. As a corollary, attractive Jews are cast as Italian. James Caan in “The Godfather”. Passing off Bernard Schwartz as a Tony…
Bert: Edward G, Robinson was attractive?
Me: All of his Italians were unattractive.
Bert: So, Mr. Authenticity, who would you have cast as me? Seth Rogen? Jeff Goldblum?
Me: You know them?
Bert: Leonardo tells me that Heaven had streaming long before television did. By the way, we were watching you on Jeopardy. Of course, I was rooting for you.
Me: Was Leonardo?
Bert: No, he and Fermi were for Bob Verini. They can be tribal, too.
Me: Whom would you like to portray you? Daniel Day-Lewis would convey your brilliance, if in an ostentatious way.
Bert: Actually, I would prefer Jack Black or Ben Stiller. I like being adorable.
