Your RDA of Irony

Dunce Ex Machina

Once Congressional leaders agreed on the $700 billion Wall Street welfare program, Senator John McCain descended from the ceiling to take credit–and applause–for everyone else’s work.

“Yes, my friends, my selfless example of putting patriotism over politics has been the inspiration for you all. I can’t stress enough how selfless I have been, suspending my campaign because my country needed my economic leadership. I understand the meaning of $ 700 billion; that is like marrying Cindy 3500 times. But I would make that sacrifice for America.”

When asked the specific details of his economic leadership, the Senator reached for his index cards and replied, “Regardless of what Senator Obama believes, I support the decimal system. I would never shortchange the American people by making the dollar worth three quarters. That one quarter might not mean much to my opponent but it does to millions of American children–children that Senator Obama would have aborted. And just for their quarters.”

Senator Obama denied any intentions to kill millions of children for their allowances, although he could offer no disproof of it. However, he did use a dictionary to demonstrate that a three-quarter dollar would be illogical. He was subsequently denounced for elitist arrogance in having a dictionary and flaunting his mastery of fractions.

  1. Mary Ann Jung says:

    Why was flogging outlawed?!

  2. Mary Ann:

    I am surprised that this administration hasn’t revived flogging. “You’re a grand old flog…” In any case, President Palin certainly would.

  3. Bob Kincaid says:

    Don’t worry, debtor’s prison will be the new bankrupt.

  4. Brent Hoffmann says:

    Fair winds and following seas to the old airdale who will drop his hook, snag the first wire and bring our economy to a safe docking on deck — unlike his argula-eating, thumb-pumping, “happy holidays” greeting opponent.

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