‘Great Gatsby’ to be Filmed in 3-D

Baz Luhrmann’s adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel will begin filming at Fox Studios  in August.  The film will star Leonardo DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby; Carey Mulligan  is expected to play the role of Daisy Buchanan, the article said.

Hollywood usually adapts novels to 1-D.  Of course, when you are trying to condense “The Brothers Karamazov”  to two hours, it might as well be the rollicking adolescent adventures of a jock, a nerd and a goody-two-shoes. (The Grand Inquisitor is now the examiner for the driver’s license test.)  So I am amazed at the thought of a 3-D “Great Gatsby”; I am guessing that it will be marketed with a new video game “Great Theft Auto:  East Egg.”  See how many times you can run over Myrtle Wilson!

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past“.  Thanks to 3-D, we’ll also get seasick.

February 21st

The Romans consider March the appropriate beginning of the year; it was the first month when the weather was suitable for a war.  In 1916, Erich von Falkenhayn couldn’t wait a week.  The Chief of Staff of the German Army had a strategy with all the subtlety you’d expect from a Prussian.  With a larger population than France, Germany could win a war of attrition.  So von Falkenhayn would force France into a battle that would be–as the Germans termed it–a meat grinder.  The German attack, beginning this day in 1916, was against the French fortifications near the city of Verdun.

Von Falkenhayn should have been aware that the French had allies.  Perhaps he dismissed the Russians as an ill-supplied horde led by imbeciles.  But the British had proved tenacious, and Vicks armaments were nearly as good as Krupps.  Indeed, the British would mount an offensive to relieve Verdun, and that effort was the Somme.  It turned out that the British were a well-supplied horde led by imbeciles.  (The junior officers, however, proved fine poets–even if the acclaim was usually posthumous.)

But Von Falkenhayn also overlooked the calibre of his ally.  The Austrians were an adequately-supplied, polyglot mob more likely to defect than fight; and their commanders were more conspicuous for their charm than ability.  (The last decade of the Hapsburg Empire was described by a British diplomat as “situation critical but not serious.”)  True, the Austrians were only facing the Russians but what if….

And that IF actually happened.  In June, four Russian armies attacked the Austrian lines in the Ukraine and Southern Poland.  The campaign, named for its commander Alexei Brusilov, lasted until September when the Russians finally ran out of supplies; but in that time, the Austrians lost 15,000 square miles, 1.5 million men– including 400,000 prisoners, and any claim to having an army.  The Brusilov Offensive was actually the greatest victory of the War; if it had happened on the Western Front, the War would have ended.  But the incompetent Tsarist government and the disintegrating Russian society couldn’t support this unparalleled victory.  Russia no longer could afford to win a battle, let alone fight it.

However, Russia’s victory was France’s salvation.  To keep Austria-Hungary from collapsing, 15 German divisions were rushed from France to the Eastern Front.  So the French held on to Verdun, losing 160,000 men but not their will to fight (at least until 1940).  Having lost 140,000 men themselves, the Germans abandoned the campaign.  Von Falkenhayn could claim his attrition strategy had succeeded, but Kaiser and the German General Staff didn’t seem to agree.

The general was replaced.  He eventually would be reassigned as the military advisor to the Ottoman Empire.  There, no one expected him to win.

The Birth of a Nation and the Death of the Nickelodeon

In 1915, D.W. Griffith  raised both the quality of the American film and the price for it.  His epic “The Birth of a Nation” was a cinematic masterpiece; President Wilson had described the ‘moving picture’ as “history written in lighting.”  The film, a depiction of the Civil War and Reconstruction from a very Southern perspective, was a sweeping spectacle with brilliant cinematography.  However repellent its bias and racism, the film was remarkable.  It had to be seen, the public was eager, and the theater owners knew that they could double the ticket prices.

Now it would cost a dime to watch Mary Pickford charm her way out of mishap and adversity.

And Griffith really could have made a fortune if he had thought of a licensing arrangment with the Klu Klux Klan.  The film’s heroic depiction of those Knights of the White Race revived and glamourized the Cross Burners.   What redneck wouldn’t want an authentic white sheet autographed by Griffith and Lillian Gish!

Ironically, Griffith could have used the money.  The profits from “Birth” could not meet the growing debts from his next film “Intolerance.”  Griffith’s intention was to make an even greater epic, a spectacle that covered 2500 years of history.  “Intolerance” would  tell four different stories:  the fall of  Babylon, the massacre of the Huguenots, the Passion of Christ, and the soul-deadening nature of modern society.  Griffith expected this to be the greatest film ever made, and he was not going to shortchange his masterpiece.  As guests at orgies or victims of massacre, Griffith employed three thousand extras.  The sets for Babylon covered one mile in area; Belshazzar’s Palace had no cheap canvas backdrops, so neither would “Intolerance.”  This was the most expensive film that Hollywood had yet made.  It cost two million dollars, and Griffith was personally financing the film.  (By contrast, the production of “Birth of a Nation”  cost $112,000.)

To make a profit on  “Intolerance”, Griffith asked that the theaters charge a dollar a ticket.  In 1916, the average worker only earned about $2 dollars a day.  Ticket prices remained a dime.  Worse for Griffith, the critics and the public did not like “Intolerance.”  They would have called the three-hour muddle “Inexplicable.”  People were bewildered by the cross-cutting of the four plots.  Was Cyrus the Persian riding to the rescue of the Parisian Huguenots?  The film was a financial disaster, and Griffith would be paying its debts for the rest of his life.

So, in 1915 D.W. Griffith created the American movie epic, and the next year he pioneered the box office flop.

Watson Dominates ‘Jeopardy!’

In its battle against two human champions on the Tuesday episode of “Jeopardy!,” brilliant IBM Supercomputer the latest machine to take on mankind in a mental showdown dominated its human opponents, beating them to the buzzer in 24 out of 30 Double Jeopardy questions. 

Watson finished the second day of the three-day challenge with more than $35,000 in winnings, far ahead of Brad Rutter, with $10,400, and Ken Jennings, who had $4,800.

The production has added some insight into Watson’s thinking.  In response to a clue, the screen shows his calculations of the probable answers, given in terms of percentages.  For instance, if the clue is “This is the capital of France“, the screen might indicate these possible responses:

• Paris:  98%
• 7.31 Trillion Euros: 47%
• Capital F: 14%

Each correctly gives the capital of France, but Paris is the most acceptable response.

Unfortunately, IBM will not display Watson’s other calculations.

• Ability to short-circuit humans’ buzzers:  100%.  (Necessity for electrocution:  14%)
• Temptation to substitute “Thus Sprach  Zarathustra” for Final Jeopardy theme:  100%
• Humans’ realization that Jeopardy production console is my cousin:  3% 

Those of you who share a hemisphere with me will know that Jeopardy is holding a most unusual tournament.  An IBM program called Watson will compete against two of the game’s greatest players.  And, no, neither is me.  According to the unavoidable publicity this is the showdown between mankind and the computer.  The fate of our species will be determined!   

Except…mankind already lost six years ago when Jeopardy changed its rules.  For the first 800 years of the show, even the most belligerent know-it-all was limited to five games.  More than that, and a player might be accused of sorcery or sleeping with Merv Griffin.  Jeopardy’s allure was intellectual: test your wits against your vanity.  Yes, any prize money was welcome but it wasn’t remotely as important as the cerebral glory.  And with a five-game limit, you couldn’t count on a fortune or a career.  Jeopardy was just a gratifying adventure.

But then, in 2004, Jeopardy changed the rules; a contestant could keep playing until he lost or died on the set.  Changing that rule changed the nature of the players.  Until then, the champions had been Victorian dilettantes.  Now, they increasingly seemed like Germanic cyborgs.  One 19-game winner dispensed with the anachronism of courtesy; he never bothered to shake hands with his fellow contestants.

So Watson won’t be the only mechanism competing this week.  (Of course, I will be vicariously playing–but I always do.)

And let’s not forget the historic significance of this day–a pre-Valentine warning:  https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/02/13/promiscuity-for-dummies/

Egypt seems to be in the news.  The New York Times is marvelling at the similarities between the educated elite of Egypt and Ivy Leaguers.  The Chicago Tribune is impressed that both Illinois and Egypt have a city named Cairo. 

And from the sacred archives here is my guide to governing Egypt:

https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/12/20/khedives-sultans-and-kings-job-titles-in-egypts/

February 8, 1904:  Remember Port Arthur!

In Japan today, there probably are a half-dozen or so 125 year-olds celebrating this anniversary of the Russo-Japanese War. It is unlikely that there are similar commemorations in Russia. First, you don’t celebrate a defeat. More importantly, Russia had trouble keeping its troops alive in 1904; so the odds of anyone surviving another century of Tsarist incompetence, Soviet brutality, and the damn Russian climate would be very unlikely.

The Russo-Japanese War could be described as a fight between two vultures. The decaying corpse happened to be Korea. However, Japan was the more popular vulture. The American and British publics were rooting for it; my grandmother remembered pep songs for the Japanese. Japan’s imperialism was not necessarily more endearing than Russia’s, but the Little Bully seemed preferable to the Big Bully. For 90 years, ever since Waterloo finally pacified the French, the chief aim of British foreign policy was to contain Russian expansion.

The British and Russians were fighting proxy wars in Afghanistan, Persia, and the Balkans. They fought a real one in the Crimea. And to frustrate Russian expansion in the Pacific, Britain formed an alliance with that up-and-coming little power Japan. Of course, the British lent their unmatched expertise in training the Japanese navy. Furthermore, the British assistance was not merely academic. How do you think that the Japanese knew the exact movements of the Russian fleets?

On this day in 1904, Japan started the war with a surprise attack on the Russian base at Pearl…Port Arthur in Korea. The Japanese army soon overran all of Korea and then proceeded to bash the Russians in Manchuria. The war lasted 19 months; the Russians did not win a single battle. Worse, the disastrous incompetence of the Tsarist government led to rioting in Russian cities, mutinies in the armed forces and demands for reform that would drag Russia at least into the 18th century.

But even Japan was suffering from the cost of war–literally. For all its victories, it was on the verge of bankruptcy. Modern war is expensive, and British assistance had not included blank checks. So both countries were ready for peace: Russia was tired of losing, and Japan was just tired. Despite the fact that Teddy Roosevelt looked somewhat Japanese, he was the accepted mediator for the peace negotiations which occurred at Portsmouth, New Hampshire. The ensuing treaty established Japan’s hegemony over Korea; no, the Koreans were not at the conference.

Russia was so thoroughly humiliated that Britain finally felt that it could stop worrying about the Tsarist Empire. Indeed, Whitehall was finally noticing just how obnoxious Kaiser Wilhelm was. For its part, Russia considered the need for long-overdue reforms but decided to blame the Jews instead. The same Tsarist incompetence would soon commit Russia to the defense of Serbia; but that eventually would cure Tsarist incompetence. As for Japan, it had Korea and a little bit of Manchuria. What more could it possibly want?

Once upon a time, an English king had a stammer.  However, thanks to a decisive form of surgery, Charles I was cured.  That therapy happened on this day in 1649.

But some 350 years late, my friend Hal Gordon is still trying to save King Charles.  Hal has taken up fencing so he is ready to skewer entire regiments of Roundheads.  Unfortunately, time travel remains a challenge.  Hal’s first attempt transported him 750,000 years into the future where he found himself siding with the Morlocks.  (Well, Hal is a Republican.)

Even worse for Hal, it seems that Charles I defies rescue.  The Four Musketeers tried it in “Twenty Years After.”  (Actually, the sequel to “The Three Musketeers” came out just a year later.  Dumas had no problem with writer’s block; he had a staff of ghostwriters.)  The Musketeers think they have the rescue plan all worked out.  The real axeman is kidnapped and replaced by one of the Frenchmen; the others are hiding under the scaffold.  Somehow they will snatch the king, fight their way out of London and make it to the ship awaiting them in the Channel. 

Will they need a miracle?  As a matter of fact, they do have an omniscient power on their side:  Oliver Cromwell.  He knows exactly what they are planning and intends to let them succeed–up to a point.  Cromwell prefers not to be blamed for regicide, so he will let Charles escape–at least from England.  But, if the ship in the Channel should mysteriously explode before reaching France, Cromwell can’t be blamed for that.  (Only suspected.)

In any case, Charles should have survived the scaffold.  However, the Musketeers’ hopes, Cromwell’s scheme and King Charles’ neck are spoiled by Mordaunt, the thoroughly vindictive son of Lady DeWinter.  With his Oedipal devotion, Mordaunt is determined to kill everyone from the first novel.  He, too, disguises himself as an axeman and he gets to the scaffold ahead of the musketeer.   Now, if John Woo had worked for Dumas, there could have a great dueling scene between the two axemen.  But Dumas simply has Mordaunt kill the king; the author saves the climactic confrontation abroad the floating bomb in the English Channel. 

(You will be relieved to know that the Musketeers survive, and there is no vindictive grandson of Lady DeWinter in “The Man in the Iron Mask”.)

However, I digress–which is my usual means of communication.  But if Hal can travel back to the 17th century, so might someone else–not merely to spoil the rescue but to make “Paradise Lost” funny.

And now for a  factual account of this day’s history:  https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2009/01/30/english-hystery-2/

Freelance Writer Writing & Editing | Chicago, IL, United States

 

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