Grand Guignol Groupon
Freelance Writer
Writing & Editing | Chicago, IL, United States
Freelancers are the ronins of the writing world, splitting the skulls of readers with word-swords wielded for the highest bidder. Groupon’s editorial department is looking for a few writers with the hardened souls of mercenaries and the tender diction of secret diarists.
The one and only qualification for this gig is that you can write well, and in our voice. We have housebroken our house style and need writers who can produce it effortlessly even from remote locations. If you are not familiar the Groupon voice, please spend a fortnight reading our features before you apply.
With either a cursory scan or a lifetime of morbidity, I think that I have mastered the Groupon style. Let’s see.
- After a day’s work at the Gilles de Rais Nursery School, if you haven’t yet sated your carnality, drop by Torquemada’s Barbecue Surprise. With a Groupon coupon, you can get two Auto da Feasts for the price of one.
- A Spa to Die For? Try Jean Marat’s Bath Clinique. Relax in the soothing waters while getting an unique form of acupuncture.
- Need a wedding planner? Cathy de Medici will make your nuptials a historic event. Half of your guests will rave about it, and the others would if they still could.
p.s. It is Australia Day, when the First Fleet arrived at Botany Bay. https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2010/05/13/a-compassionate-alternative-to-hanging/
p.p.s. But here is the real historic event of the day: https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2010/01/26/my-epitaph-2/
Magnifique! Well? Did you get the gig? Will I see your prose in my Los Angeles Groupon Daily Deal?
Dear Joan,
Groupon pays $22 a review. That might equal $7 a hour. Wow–and to think I could be a grocery bagger for $8.
Eugene
What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-fé!
La La!