Couponizationing
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Director, Consumer Activation
Description
The Director, Consumer Activation is responsible for the development and execution of multi-channel consumer activation plans to achieve business unit growth and profit goals. Provides leadership and consumer promotional/experiential marketing expertise to the team to insure effective/efficient program development within an innovative mindset. This person is responsible to oversee the promotional program budgets and insure said budgets are not overspent.
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Activate a consumer. Was that anything like Dr. Frankenstein’s experiment? Of course, you can’t just rob any grave. Look for an exclusive neighborhood of sepulchres. In Chicago, we have Graceland Cemetery–where you can find generations of Armours, Palmers and Fields enjoying eternity in their final mansions. Now that is the type of zombie you’d want as a customer.
But there may be less drastic (and actually legal) ways to activate consumers: coupons. The activation program can design little slips of paper that picture an item and publicize a discounted price for it. Unfortunately, anyone who describes himself as a consumer activationalizer would publicize a “decimating quantification” instead of “10% off”.
Never use one word when 76 will suffice. A great example of current biz speak.
Yet another reminder for us to stop spreading corporate-speak.
If I ever become so impaired that I wander into an office like the one that posted Mr. Consumer Activation’s ad, and I actually become employed at said office, please notify my relatives to activate the Kevorkian clause of my final will and testament.
This is exactly what I have spent most of my working life fighting against. The worst of it is, if you ask people who write like this to explain themselves in English, they usually can’t. My new pet peeve is “space,” as in “I work in the public relations space” or “my client is in the technology space.” I wish they really were in space, far, far out there beyond the solar system.
I certainly have had my encounters with this biz-babble. Some are quite proud of their incoherence. When I informed one bureaucrat that I had no idea what he said, he replied “Then you shouldn’t have been listening.” I imagine that will be his audience’s reaction.
Once I was hired to translate a technocrat’s jargon into intelligible prose. After he read aloud his standard opacity, I couldn’t help myself and asked, “Keats, isn’t it?”
Eugene