Your RDA of Irony

Despise and Consent, Part II

And here is the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on Sonia Sotomayor’s nomination to the Supreme Court.

Senator Patrick Leahy (D.):  Welcome Judge Sotomayor.  Please reassure Senator Coburn that you will answer our questions in English.

Judge Sotomayor:  Certainly.  And I might as well take this opportunity to apologize for George Chakiris killing Russ Tamblyn in “West Side Story”.

Senator Jeff Sessions (R.):  In the event of another war between America and Spain, which side would you be on?

Judge Sotomayor:  You should take in consideration the four centuries of Spanish tyranny compared to one century of American neglect.  I naturally would prefer the country that treats me like a second class citizen instead of a fourth class one.

Senator Arlen Specter (who knows?):  Speaking for Senators Kohl, Feingold, Schumer, Wyden, Cardin, myself and half of Senator Kaufman, why can’t Benjamin Cardozo be considered Hispanic?

Judge Sotomayor:  Maybe if his bris had been done with a switchblade.  All right, here is my first ruling as a Supreme Court Justice:  Benjamin Cardozo can be considered Hispanic but not Latino.

Senator Jon Kyl (R.):  I understand that you were a member of Phi Beta Kappa.  Tell us about this secret organization and its links with international terrorism.

Judge Sotomayor:  It is an honor society, and its members tend to limit their terrorism to withering critiques of plays and restaurants.

Senator Chuck Schumer(D.):  Would Benjamin Cardozo be considered Latino if his family had come from Argentina?

Judge Sotomayor:  Let’s compromise.  If you drop these farcockteh Cardozo questions, I will admit that Freddie Prinze was half-Jewish.

Senator Rush Limbaugh(R./God):  How many times have you had an abortion?

Senator Leahy:  You are not a Senator and you don’t belong here.

Limbaugh:  Grassley gave me his seat.  I have twenty million listeners.  That makes me the fourth largest state, and if that doesn’t entitle me to at least one senate seat, it is Un-American.

Sotomayor:  This would make an interesting case for the Supreme Court.

Limbaugh:  And I’ll give you 5 to 4 odds I’d win.

And here is a reminder of the Alito hearings:

http://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/08/23/despise-and-consent/

  1. Rafferty Barnes says:

    Brilliant.

  2. Alan Perlman says:

    Will somebody please tell me why Hispanics (comprising dozens of different ethnic groups) get to be a “protected class”? They weren’t enslaved like Blacks or exterminated like the Indians. They weren’t treated any worse than Jews, who certainly are not “protected.”

    Does Ruth Bader Ginsburg hold the “Jewish” seat? And doen’t that give Jews a disporportionate influence, since she’s 1/9 of the Court but they’re only 2-3% of the population?

    • Eugene Finerman says:

      Alan,

      You may have overestimated the happiness of the Hispanic heritage. History certainly has not regarded them as a protected class. With sword, lash and small pox, the Spanish almost exterminated the native populations of Central and South America. The Spanish did replenish the population, however, through rape. The Indian women served as chattel to the Conquistadors. Their offspring were relegated to the role of serfs, working the mines and estates of the Spanish ruling classes. This servitude lasted well into the 20th century, and it is not entirely abolished in Central America.
      (The Death Squads keep the mixed blood peons in their place.)

      But if you discount their conquest, extermination, rape, and four centuries of serfdom, who wouldn’t want to trade places with the Hispanics?

      Eugene

  3. Alan Perlman says:

    Eugenius,

    Your response, with all due respect, seems to indict the Spanish and put them, as Terminators, in the same class as European whites. At the very least, their descendants, the vaguely-defined Hispanics, were not subjected to centuries of persecution by caucasians/WASPS the way Blacks and Native Americans were. And in ALL cases, it is immoral and unjust to punish people today, through the hypocrisy of affirmative action, for sins that they did not commit.

    all best,

    A.

    • Eugene Finerman says:

      Alan,

      Spaniards are European and White. They were not even necessarily darker variations of Caucasian Pale. Queen Isabella was a redhead and her great-grandson Philip II was a blond. (But Hollywood always depicts them as swarthy.)

      For some reason, you seem to think that three or four centuries of serfdom under the Spanish was a joy, Trust me, being a Hispanic serf for a Grandee or Hidalgo was no better than being a slave in our South. The peasant uprisings in early 20th century Mexico were not an expression of gratitude.

      As for Affirmative Action, what a pity that we cannot retrieve Louis Brandeis’ seat on the Supreme Court and turn it over to an equally-qualified Episcopalian whose ancestors had nothing to do with the Inquisition or the Cossack pogroms–and whose guilt in the Crusades was well past the statute of limitations.

      Eugene

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