Posts Tagged ‘Sonia Sotomayer’

Despise and Consent, Part II

Posted in General on June 1st, 2009 by Eugene Finerman – 5 Comments

And here is the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on Sonia Sotomayor’s nomination to the Supreme Court.

Senator Patrick Leahy (D.):  Welcome Judge Sotomayor.  Please reassure Senator Coburn that you will answer our questions in English.

Judge Sotomayor:  Certainly.  And I might as well take this opportunity to apologize for George Chakiris killing Russ Tamblyn in “West Side Story”.

Senator Jeff Sessions (R.):  In the event of another war between America and Spain, which side would you be on?

Judge Sotomayor:  You should take in consideration the four centuries of Spanish tyranny compared to one century of American neglect.  I naturally would prefer the country that treats me like a second class citizen instead of a fourth class one.

Senator Arlen Specter (who knows?):  Speaking for Senators Kohl, Feingold, Schumer, Wyden, Cardin, myself and half of Senator Kaufman, why can’t Benjamin Cardozo be considered Hispanic?

Judge Sotomayor:  Maybe if his bris had been done with a switchblade.  All right, here is my first ruling as a Supreme Court Justice:  Benjamin Cardozo can be considered Hispanic but not Latino.

Senator Jon Kyl (R.):  I understand that you were a member of Phi Beta Kappa.  Tell us about this secret organization and its links with international terrorism.

Judge Sotomayor:  It is an honor society, and its members tend to limit their terrorism to withering critiques of plays and restaurants.

Senator Chuck Schumer(D.):  Would Benjamin Cardozo be considered Latino if his family had come from Argentina?

Judge Sotomayor:  Let’s compromise.  If you drop these farcockteh Cardozo questions, I will admit that Freddie Prinze was half-Jewish.

Senator Rush Limbaugh(R./God):  How many times have you had an abortion?

Senator Leahy:  You are not a Senator and you don’t belong here.

Limbaugh:  Grassley gave me his seat.  I have twenty million listeners.  That makes me the fourth largest state, and if that doesn’t entitle me to at least one senate seat, it is Un-American.

Sotomayor:  This would make an interesting case for the Supreme Court.

Limbaugh:  And I’ll give you 5 to 4 odds I’d win.

And here is a reminder of the Alito hearings: