“North Korea moved missile to east coast”

Like any immature tyrant, Kim the Young’un would crave the prospect of a New York premiere.  He blithely ignored the practical considerations.  Silo rentals are much cheaper in Chicago than Manhattan.  And he can forget about avoiding the U.N. inspectors now; in New York, they get free parking.

If he  thinks that the U.N. reports are bad, wait until he sees the New York Times’ reviews.

“Pre-postmodernist louche bildungsroman”–Michiko Kakutani

“The mutant love child of Sandra Oh and Harvey Fierstein”–Alexandra Stanley

“Absurdism reminiscent of the early oeuvres of Christopher Durang”–Ben Brantley (Wait, that’s supposed to be a compliment!)

And from the Korean archives…

Kim Jong-il Dead

At such times, I miss Larry King…

Welcome to Larry King Live. My guests tonight are former secretary of state and not bad golfer Colin Powell, former secretary of state and still a looker Madeleine Albright, and classy historian but regular mensch David McCullough.  Our topic tonight:  What is the impact of the death of Kim Novak, and how did a beautiful Chicago Polish girl become dictator of North Korea?  Of course, I am not surprised that she had the atomic bomb.  Did you see the way she danced with William Holden in “Picnic”?

Powell:  “Picnic” was a very good movie, but I think that there is some confusion here.

Larry:  You weren’t suppose to look at white women that way?

McCullough:  Kim Novak is still alive.  It is Kim Jong-Il who is dead.

Larry: So will Alec Baldwin get custody of their child?  Let’s call Alan Dershowitz to find out.  Hello eminent professor and killer lawyer, have you been watching the show?

Dershowitz:  God help me, yes.  Alec Baldwin was married to Kim Basinger. He has never been married to Kim Novak, Kim Stanley, Kim Hunter, Kim Darby, Akim Tamiroff or Kim Jong-il.

Larry:  You know Akim Tamiroff looked sorta Jewish, but I think that he was Armenian.  Madeleine, do you ever confuse the two?

Albright:  No, I try to mistake myself for Episcopalian.  But weren’t we suppose to discuss Korea?

Larry:  Absolutely, and after this break, Paula Deen will join our conversation on the death of Kimchee.

 

Kim Jong-il Dead

At such times, I miss Larry King…

Welcome to Larry King Live. My guests tonight are former secretary of state and not bad golfer Colin Powell, former secretary of state and still a looker Madeleine Albright, and classy historian but regular mensch David McCullough.  Our topic tonight:  What is the impact of the death of Kim Novak, and how did a beautiful Chicago Polish girl become dictator of North Korea?  Of course, I am not surprised that she had the atomic bomb.  Did you see the way she danced with William Holden in “Picnic”?

Powell:  “Picnic” was a very good movie, but I think that there is some confusion here.

Larry:  You weren’t suppose to look at white women that way?

McCullough:  Kim Novak is still alive.  It is Kim Jong-Il who is dead.

Larry: So will Alec Baldwin get custody of their child?  Let’s call Alan Dershowitz to find out.  Hello eminent professor and killer lawyer, have you been watching the show?

Dershowitz:  God help me, yes.  Alec Baldwin was married to Kim Basinger. He has never been married to Kim Novak, Kim Stanley, Kim Hunter, Kim Darby, Akim Tamiroff or Kim Jong-il.

Larry:  You know Akim Tamiroff looked sorta Jewish, but I think that he was Armenian.  Madeleine, do you ever confuse the two?

Albright:  No, I try to mistake myself for Episcopalian.  But weren’t we suppose to discuss Korea?

Larry:  Absolutely, and after this break, Paula Deen will join our conversation on the death of Kimchee.

SKorean minister: Torpedo likely sank warship

By AP

SEOUL, South Korea — An explosion from a torpedo likely sank a South Korean warship that went down near the tense border with North Korea last month, the South’s defense minister said Sunday amid growing speculation Pyongyang may be behind the blast.

Defense Minister Kim Tae-young said the most likely cause of the disaster was a torpedo exploding near the ship, with the force of the underwater blast ripping the vessel apart. Investigators who examined salvaged wreckage separately announced Sunday that a close-range, external explosion likely sank it.

Kim, however, did not speculate on who may have fired it and said an investigation was ongoing and it’s still too early to determine the cause.

But here is a list of possible culprits:

A.  France did it out of uncontrollable revulsion to the idea of kimchee.

B.  Israel did it because no one has blamed the Jews for anything this week–and they missed the guilt.

C.  Dan Brown did it to promote his novel in which he reveals that Jesus was also married to a geisha and the bridal registry is hidden somewhere in Asia.

D.  The features staff of the New York Times did it to see how many times they could put the name Kim in one story.

E.  North Korea–nah, too obvious.

UK apologizes to Vatican over Pope visit jokes

By AP

LONDON — Britain’s Foreign Office issued a hasty apology Sunday to Pope Benedict XVI after publication of an internal memo in which officials joked he could open an abortion clinic, launch a range of condoms or sing a duet with Queen Elizabeth II during a four-day visit in September.

The document, sections of which were published in the Sunday Telegraph newspaper, also proposed the pope could bless a gay marriage, and acknowledge the clerical sex abuse scandal by establishing a hot line for abused children, or honoring abuse whistleblowers.

Junior officials wrote the memo following a brainstorming session intended to discuss ideas for the visit, the first to Britain by the head of the Roman Catholic Church since Pope John Paul II in 1982.

Though some included advice for Britain’s government on how to approach the abuse scandal, the ministry condemned many of the proposals as “ill-judged, naive and disrespectful.”

But not all of the proposals?  The dueling divas duet is on!  But if the Queen thinks that she can do a better Marlene Dietrich impression than Benedict, she is going to lose this battle of Britain.  No, he’s the one with the German accent and the fabulous legs. The Pope’s Dietrich impersonation has long been a hit at Vatican parties and at old soldiers’ homes in Argentina. His rendition of “See What the Altar Boys in the Backroom Will Have” will delight the British audience just as it did the College of Cardinals.

p.s.  Let’s not forget the historic–and melodic–significance of this day:  https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2009/04/24/if-there-had-been-ipods-on-april-241792/