Go East, Jung-Un, Go East
“North Korea moved missile to east coast”
Like any immature tyrant, Kim the Young’un would crave the prospect of a New York premiere. He blithely ignored the practical considerations. Silo rentals are much cheaper in Chicago than Manhattan. And he can forget about avoiding the U.N. inspectors now; in New York, they get free parking.
If he thinks that the U.N. reports are bad, wait until he sees the New York Times’ reviews.
“Pre-postmodernist louche bildungsroman”–Michiko Kakutani
“The mutant love child of Sandra Oh and Harvey Fierstein”–Alexandra Stanley
“Absurdism reminiscent of the early oeuvres of Christopher Durang”–Ben Brantley (Wait, that’s supposed to be a compliment!)
And from the Korean archives…
Kim Jong-il Dead
At such times, I miss Larry King…
Welcome to Larry King Live. My guests tonight are former secretary of state and not bad golfer Colin Powell, former secretary of state and still a looker Madeleine Albright, and classy historian but regular mensch David McCullough. Our topic tonight: What is the impact of the death of Kim Novak, and how did a beautiful Chicago Polish girl become dictator of North Korea? Of course, I am not surprised that she had the atomic bomb. Did you see the way she danced with William Holden in “Picnic”?
Powell: “Picnic” was a very good movie, but I think that there is some confusion here.
Larry: You weren’t suppose to look at white women that way?
McCullough: Kim Novak is still alive. It is Kim Jong-Il who is dead.
Larry: So will Alec Baldwin get custody of their child? Let’s call Alan Dershowitz to find out. Hello eminent professor and killer lawyer, have you been watching the show?
Dershowitz: God help me, yes. Alec Baldwin was married to Kim Basinger. He has never been married to Kim Novak, Kim Stanley, Kim Hunter, Kim Darby, Akim Tamiroff or Kim Jong-il.
Larry: You know Akim Tamiroff looked sorta Jewish, but I think that he was Armenian. Madeleine, do you ever confuse the two?
Albright: No, I try to mistake myself for Episcopalian. But weren’t we suppose to discuss Korea?
Larry: Absolutely, and after this break, Paula Deen will join our conversation on the death of Kimchee.
Poor Larry’s done it again, mistaken Kim Novak for that nice Kardashian girl.