Your RDA of Irony

Eugene: Confessions of a Serial Killer

N.R.A. Calls for Armed Guards in Schools to Deter Violence

WASHINGTON — After a weeklong silence since the Connecticut school shootings, the National Rifle Association on Friday called for a program to arm and train guards in schools as the best way to protect children from gun violence. The group blamed video games, the news media and lax law enforcement – but not guns – for a recent rash of mass shootings.

So, how would I kill people with my video games?  First, I would explain to them the rules of “Civilization” and once they are lulled into a coma, I could repeatedly stab them with the CD.  It probably would take three months.

Actually, I believe my old table games might be deadlier.  If I hone the edge of my Monopoly board, I could try using it like a Samurai sword.  One paper cut on the jugular, and you could start adding up the body count.   I admit: it is unlikely.  No, the real lethality of Monopoly would be getting my victims to swallow the hotels and houses.  Of course, I would have to coax them at gunpoint.


  1. Peg Pruitt says:

    The NRA’s “meaningful contribution” to the discussion of this tragedy is……… more guns. What a shock!

  2. Cindy Starks says:

    I love this post — very funny — too bad the NRA gave us nothing to smile about today. Can you imagine what kind of thinking goes on in an organization like that when that is their response to the horror of Newtown. I was thinking today that if would be the job from hell to be speechwriter for Wayne LaPierre, but I suspect his speechwriter, if he has one, believes just what he does and is from the same alien planet. Sigh…

  3. Steve Katz says:

    What’s all the noise about? There already is a national data base of the mentally ill: the NRA membership list and list of folks who “like” the NRA on Facebook. Is there a bigger kook anywhere than Wayne La Pierre? OK. Except for Eric Cantor.

  4. Michele says:

    The best comment I read about the NRA today came from a Twitter friend: “After reading the actual NRA statement, I’m amazed that this is not from the Onion.”

    I suppose they could be slightly more out of touch with reality, but it’s hard to imagine how.

  5. Mary Pattock says:

    Perfect, Eugene. Absolutely perfect.

  6. Eugene Finerman says:

    While I am not likely to quote a second century Christian theologian, Tertullian inadvertently gave me my mantra: “I believe it because it is absurd.”

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