Your RDA of Irony

Land of the Fleece, Home of the Brazen

Florida election officials concede that there may have some degree of error in disqualifying all the state’s Afro-American voters.  A spokesman for the Governor agreed that all three million people probably weren’t convicted felons, and that having an overdue book from the library is rarely a felony.  There was further doubt that all three million Afro-Americans would simultaneously have taken out a copy of “Gone With the Wind.”  The governor office’s will look into the problem.

There also were electoral problems for the state’s Hispanic community.  Although the ballots were bilingual, the second language turned out to be Middle English.  When asked if the Governor’s office had confused Chaucer with Cervantes, the official response was “As if a real American would care?”  Hispanic-Americans were further confronted with onerous I.D. requirements.  As proof of residency, prospective voters were asked to show land grants from Charles V.

Once again, voters in Miami Beach had problems with the design of the ballots.  Election officials had no idea why this year’s ballots were shaped like swastikas.  “Maybe we were trying to save on paper.  You’d think those people would appreciate being stingy.”

Governor Romney is predicted to receive 200 percent of Florida’s vote.

Meanwhile in Ohio, in accordance with the Secretary of State’s most recent ruling, certain voters may be required to prove their identity by singing “Camptown Races”.


  1. Tosh says:

    The World is as Mel Brooks imagines.

    One of my wifes’ brightest students said you could learn everything you need to know about the world from the Simpsons. That was when my boys were finally allowed to see that show. Now one them is threatening to move to your town to learn Comedy writing at Second City. Probably a more legitimate venture than his time as Economics Correspondant for the National Review (the first 7 months of 2012).

    • Eugene Finerman says:


      Watching “The Simpsons” is the equivalent of a Harvard education. The show’s writers refer to themselves as “Lampoon West”, their oh-so-understated way of letting everyone know that they also wrote for The Lampoon. So the scripts often flaunt an impressive erudition. Not even Jeopardy casually alludes to Lord Palmerston, a rather obscure British prime minister. However, just often there is an unbearable smugness. Once Lisa thought she would have a criminal record; so she lamented, “There goes the Ivy League.” Then Bart began chanting “Lisa’s going to Stanford! Lisa’s going to Stanford!”

      By the way, this is your son’s competition. Lucky him.


  2. Cindy Starks says:

    Eugene — This is too funny. I think Camptown Races, however, is a nice touch.

  3. Peg Pruitt says:

    I’m channeling Mittens: Yes! Way to go Florida and Ohio. Your governors are true Americans.

  4. Michele Hush says:

    Eugene, I’m in a secret bunker hiding from the poll projections right now, but thank you very much for your customary wittily acerbic commentary.

  5. Laura says:

    I live in Ohio. An in-law of mine, who was born in Canada, had no difficulty registering to vote, and has a driver’s license. She’s a voter. She experienced no trouble registering or voting. While I believe it would surpise her to discover that she is doing anything inappropriate, I do applaud her husband who does not agree with her politics for not trying to suppress her vote. I suppose my point is that requiring a photo ID only suppresses certain types of votes, and is a pretty ineffective way to address actual voter fraud.

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