Your RDA of Irony

Polygame Changer

Mitt Romney, confronted with his unpopularity among women, Hispanics and other vertebrates, hopes to reverse those trends by nominating three running mates.  He explained his polygame changing strategy, “Corporations have more than one vice president, and so should America. I want everyone to feel that they have their very own vice president.”   

His first choice–the Hispanic Vice President–proved somewhat controversial in that Cesar Romero is dead.  “But I just saw him on ‘Batman'” exclaimed Romney!  The campaign later announced that Mr. Romero would remain on the ticket, “because the Constitution doesn’t require a Vice President to be animate.” 

The second vice presidential nominee was praised as “a forceful, commanding executive, one of America’s most memorable women, and a paragon of Southern charm.”  No one could dispute Gov. Romney’s description of Scarlett O’Hara, and her non-existence is no longer considered a drawback.  Many–if not most–of our politicians are fictional characters; Miss O’Hara is simply the first to be openly so.  There was some question about her use of slaves and chain gangs, but Romney extolled her for “providing the kind of full-employment that America needs again.”

Romney then announced his third nominee.  “Every corporation needs one folksy vice president, someone who’ll mingle at the company picnic.  “With that in mind, I am choosing whoever won the last Indy 500.   I haven’t the least idea who he is, but you probably do–and you’re the ones I’m pandering to.”

Finally, he announced the possibility of additional vice presidents.  “It all depends on who else I offend.”


  1. wayne rhodes says:


  2. Leah says:

    Cesar Romero could be the first dead gay Hispanic vice president! So that gets the Latino vote, the LGBT vote, and the Chicago vote!

    • Michael says:

      Leah makes an excellent point, however the dead in Chicago generally give a preference to the Democratic candidate even over one of their own.

  3. Cindy Starks says:

    Very funny, Eugene. You are too clever to live, so to speak. I should know who won the last Indy 500 since I live just outside Indianapolis, but even I don’t know! Carry on, my friend. 🙂

  4. Eugene Finerman says:

    Leah and Michael,

    Even as we speak, Karl Rove’s Double Crossroads Super PAC is producing ads that will attribute Mr. Romero’s death in 1994 to Obamacare.


    So I am too clever to live? I knew that you were a member of that secret organization Doris Dei, and that you will strangle me while singing “Che Sera, Sera”.


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