Posts Tagged ‘vice presidents’

Polygame Changer

Posted in General on April 11th, 2012 by Eugene Finerman – 5 Comments

Mitt Romney, confronted with his unpopularity among women, Hispanics and other vertebrates, hopes to reverse those trends by nominating three running mates.  He explained his polygame changing strategy, “Corporations have more than one vice president, and so should America. I want everyone to feel that they have their very own vice president.”   

His first choice–the Hispanic Vice President–proved somewhat controversial in that Cesar Romero is dead.  “But I just saw him on ‘Batman'” exclaimed Romney!  The campaign later announced that Mr. Romero would remain on the ticket, “because the Constitution doesn’t require a Vice President to be animate.” 

The second vice presidential nominee was praised as “a forceful, commanding executive, one of America’s most memorable women, and a paragon of Southern charm.”  No one could dispute Gov. Romney’s description of Scarlett O’Hara, and her non-existence is no longer considered a drawback.  Many–if not most–of our politicians are fictional characters; Miss O’Hara is simply the first to be openly so.  There was some question about her use of slaves and chain gangs, but Romney extolled her for “providing the kind of full-employment that America needs again.”

Romney then announced his third nominee.  “Every corporation needs one folksy vice president, someone who’ll mingle at the company picnic.  “With that in mind, I am choosing whoever won the last Indy 500.   I haven’t the least idea who he is, but you probably do–and you’re the ones I’m pandering to.”

Finally, he announced the possibility of additional vice presidents.  “It all depends on who else I offend.”