Your RDA of Irony

And for Dessert, Have a Survey!

Last night the family and friends celebrated my wife’s birthday at a popular restaurant, part of the California chain not founded by Father Serra.  (Mind you, think of how well he might have done offering pepperoni and avocado communion wafers!)  At the bottom of the check was the now all too familiar enticement:  “Tell us about your experience for a chance to win $500 in our weekly cash drawing.”  Go to a drugstore for coughdrops and your receipt will have a similar survey request.  I will admit that I have occasionally gone online to fill out these surveys.  It is my way of thanking some anonymous MBA for doing nothing more harmful than crafting a ridiculous questionnaire.

So what did I divulge to the marketing department of “California Pizza Kitchen”.  Here are some of the questions–at least how I remember them.

Why are you here?

  • 1.  I like the food. 
  • 2.  There’s got to be something on the menu to please my picky nephew, although he then will waste half of the food.
  • 3.  To atone in this life for the undeserved success in my previous incarnation.  (Was I Louis XV or James Dean?)

Would you notice if your server had a hideous skin disease?

  • 1.  Yes.
  • 2.  No.
  • 3.  I might have mistaken the eczema flakes for croutons.

Name your three favorite signatories of the Treaty of Westphalia.

Are you still here?

  • 1.  I was a history major and a Hapsburg junkie.
  • 2.  I made up the names of the three signatories, as if a second-rate MBA like you would know the difference. 
  • 3.  For the chance at $500, I went to Wikipedia for the answers.  It says the Treaty of Westphalia established standards for baked ham.

Do you really believe that we are giving away $500?

  • 1.  Yes, but I am obviously an idiot.
  • 2.  Of course not, but my boss just passed by and I didn’t want to be caught looking at a porn site.
  • 3.  It’s me, Scott from your Marketing class at Northwestern.  Hope you don’t mind but but I am plagiarizing this survey for Burger King.
  1. Peg Pruitt says:

    Strange, Eugene, but on my last survey for Pizza Hut, I had to list three Yorkist battle victories during the Wars of the Roses. I did not win $500.00. I suspect that the survey creators are secret Lancastrians.

    • Eugene Finerman says:

      Dear Peg,

      I was disappointed and offended that the McDonald’s survey asked me nothing about the Jacobite Rebellions. I memorized all 47 verses of “Will Ye No Come Back Again?” for nothing. (My temple choir wasn’t interested either; it seems that we are a different type of Jacobites.)


  2. rio imamura says:

    Hello, Happy Birthday to Mrs. Finerman!

    I’m intrigued to a popular Californian chain restaurant not founded to Father Serra. I lived in San Diego
    for over 20 years and know his first Mission de Alcala pretty well and traveled to Loreto, Baja Cal.
    I’ve read junipero Serra ate little, avoided meat and wine, preferred fruits and veggies, and made no complaints of the quality of his foods, nor said to make it more savory. Avocado should be his favorite, I presume, from his long Mexican experience. Pepperoni avocado communion wafers sound tasty. I wish
    to try on my next trip to CA. Which restaurant was it?

    • Eugene Finerman says:

      Thank you, Rio.

      I believe that the Jesuits probably had some fascinating recipes for communion wafers. Check the cookbooks in the kitchen of Oda Nobunaga; the Jesuits were lurking everywhere in his court. Unfortunately those Tokugawa killjoys perceived a wafer cuisine as a threat to sushi.


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