Your RDA of Irony

Confederate History Month

 Confederate History and Heritage Month 2013

April 1-30th 2013 is Confederate History and Heritage Month throughout the USA!

The Confederate History and Heritage Month Committee of the National and Georgia Division Sons of Confederate Veterans proudly recognizes and appreciates the signing of proclamations by Southern governors, mayors and county commissioners since 1995 designating the month of April as “Confederate History and Heritage Month.”


The Reason for the War:

In November of 1860,a shifty liberal lawyer named Abraham claimed to have won the presidential election.  In fact, he only had a minority of the popular, God-fearing American votes; but you know how those Abie lawyers can always find a loophole.  As if the Electoral College really counted!  Well, real Americans (and with the foreskins to prove it–you’ll notice that Abraham never was willing to show his) wouldn’t stand for such an electoral fraud.   Rather than kneel to such slavery, we fled his tyranny.

The War Itself

You know that we actually won the war, but the cheating North kept changing the rules.  How many times did we have to win Bull Run?  We won the first day at Shiloh, and the first two days at Gettysburg; but those Yankees kept insisting on overtimes and do-overs.  They wouldn’t play like gentlemen.

A Certain Misunderstanding

The interfering socialists of the North just didn’t understand how we treated certain of our pets.  We loved them.  Why they practically followed us home from Africa, and it wouldn’t have been right to let them succumb to neglect.

And now you know Confederate History.

  1. SwanShadow says:

    I’ve always suspected that one reason the South despised Lincoln so much was that his name made them think he was Jewish.

    Sad to think that in our supposedly enlightened age that “Confederate history” isn’t, you know, history.

  2. Michele says:

    My suggestion for July: Slavery Nostalgia Month. Virginia could get together with South Carolina, Alabama and Mississippi and sponsor a multistate tour. They could give away white sheets and burnable crosses as mementos.

  3. Michael Gury says:

    Hizzhonor McDonnell surely has too much time on his hands. Foreskins notwithstanding, even the Yankee children understand the Rebel Yell. Whether or not Confederate history needs a Month, I cannot comment. It’s a bit hard to rewrite history. Virginia certainly threw itself into the conflagration of war, many died, and it was all ugly. The Yankees had men from Godforsaken places like Maine, Connecticut and Massachusetts who dove into the various conflicts against the Rebs and lost limbs, heads and foreskins. Mr. McDonnell may well wish to celebrate the Confederate cause, although looking back it was essentially a useless and hugely destructive effort, to both sides. I am all for celebrating regional pride, but this seems rather stupid.

  4. Tony Coll says:

    All credit to Governor McDowell for pioneering the long overdue comeback of the word “whereas” and using it as a synonym for “now lookie here, y’all…”

    However, I don’t think you Americans know how to run a proper civil war. When we Brits did it we cut off the King’s head and had Puritan skinheads rampaging around smashing up churches and terrorising all those long-haired lace-and-velvet hippies in the Royalist/Cavalier tendency. At least you couldn’t get the uniforms mixed up.

  5. Rich Greb says:

    I can’t help but feel that the proclamation carries within itself an overdose of daily irony far beyond our poor power to add or detract.

  6. Rafferty Barnes says:

    Near my home is a statue honoring Confederate Mothers, with a suitable Pieta-like pose. He should have made it Confederate Mothers Month, then no one would be mad.

    There is also a memorial to the Union and one of Stonewall Jackson and Robert E. Lee. The past isn’t dead. It isn’t even past.

  7. Nancy Kullman says:

    Yep ter ya’ll

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