Your RDA of Irony

Too Eire Is Humor

Eugene Leprechaun FinishedShould we honor St. Patrick today

Just for drowning some snakes in a bay?

While you cannot contest

That the snake is a pest,

It at least kept the English away!

Euan Finn–born March 17, 1952


The Hystery of St. Patrick

And hereth is from the first draft of The Book of Kells…


And St. Patrick spoke to the Happy Hour crowd at The Drunken Druid’s Pub. “Consider all that God has to offer you.”

And the crowd grumbled, “Not that shamrock bit again.”

Patrick replied, “Obviously you are in no hurry for eternal salvation. You want immediate benefits. Okay. In my religion, we don’t have to sacrifice your good-looking virgins in the nearest bog…or anywhere. In fact, we want your homeliest ones and we’ll put them in convents.”

And the crowd considered this a miracle. But a bartending Druid challenged Patrick. “Now, what would you be wanting them homely virgins? After all, they are still our sisters.”

And Patrick answered, “We’ll guarantee them full-time work in gratifying jobs–teaching and terrorizing the children of the good-looking former virgins.”

But the Druid demanded, “But what kind of God would want a homely virgin?” And the crowd had to agree.

Patrick shrugged and said, “A Jewish one. They have the strangest taste in shiksas.”

The Druid sneered, “A Jewish God? One who can’t hold his own liquor?”

Patrick answered, “But He can make the liquor, distribute and market it!’

And so Ireland converted.

Euan the Bard






  1. Michele says:

    As a person with rather a lot of Irish in me, I have to say I resemble that remark.

  2. Kate says:

    Well, that’s a nice version, Eugene. Better than most.

    I just realized that there is probably not a big call for herpetologists in Ireland, right?

    And why do folks feel free to pinch a person who isn’t wearing green today? So much history is distorted seemingly to justify torture.


    • Eugene Finerman says:


      Just to be cautious, wear green–definitely not orange. Remember, when in Derry, do as the Derrieres do.


  3. Kate says:

    NOT ORANGE!! I am temporarily residing in E TN. I fear that the ‘orange’ chapter in history has been diluted for the Irish in Applalachia. After all, this is UT, TN Vols territory. I have never seen so many shades of orange.

    One wonders if those misshappen derrieres planted on pub stools today feel the incongruity: wearing orange while drinking green beer singing “Danny Boy”


    • rothgar says:

      It’s just an excuse to get blitzed!!!
      Remember the Green is inside, Orange outside so they can’t clash.

      As an Irishman of mixed heritage (my Gram was originally named Katerine Sullivan)
      I’m dressing in the Flag of the Irish Republic from now on (or until austerity breaks them).

    • rothgar says:

      I had a Irish convert to Judaism as roommate at one time and I mocked him for celebrating an Irish Catholic Saint probably of Welsh lineage.

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