Posts Tagged ‘Ireland’

Victorian Venereality

Posted in General, On This Day on October 6th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

October 6, 1891:  The proper thing to do

Charles Parnell (1846-1891), the leader of the Irish representatives in Parliament, was a veritable kingmaker. Shifting his bloc to the Tories or the Liberals, he could determine who would be Prime Minister. However, Parnell was not quite so adroit in his personal affairs. A Captain O’Shea noticed that his wife’s younger children seemed to resemble Mr. Parnell, and the indignant husband began divorce proceedings. Mr. Parnell’s name was conspicuous in the accusations.

One can’t be monogamous with someone else’s wife.  Of course, Parnell attempted to do the “proper thing” but a certain Church prominent in Ireland does not approve of divorce. He only outraged the Church further when he married his divorced mistress. From pulpits and in the Irish press, Parnell was condemned.  With his status as a pariah, he was abandoned by the Irish members of Parliament. Under the strain, Parnell died soon after of a heart attack.  It was on this day in 1891.

The Uncrowned King of Ireland“, Parnell had been a proponent of Home Rule for this country. He alone seemed capable of controlling the sectarian rifts between the Ulster and Catholic Irish members of Parliament. Prime Minister Gladstone needed that solid Irish bloc to support his bill for Irish Home Rule. Without Parnell’s leadership, the Ulster members joined with the Tories and blocked the passage of Home Rule. The majority of Ireland’s population would remain unwelcome guests in their own country.  The best chance for a peaceful integration of Ireland into the United Kingdoms was lost, and the consequence was to be rebellion and civil war.

Parnell might have been consoled to know that he would be portrayed by Clark Gable in a Hollywood saga.  Unfortunately, it also was Gable’s worst role.

How the Irish Created Catholicism

Posted in General, On This Day on August 5th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – 3 Comments

August 5, 641: A sainthood is always a nice consolation gift

On this day in 641, King Oswald of Northumbria became a martyr. He died attacking another English kinglet–Penda of Mercia—who evidently could defend himself. Since Penda was a pagan, that qualified Oswald for a sainthood. If Penda had also been Christian, then the slaughter would only have been intramural–and Oswald’s death would not have scored a halo.

But Penda’s victory was really the last Valhalliday for British pagans. The Angle-Saxon kingdoms were succumbing to the power and organization of an indominable Church: the Church of Ireland. Yes, at the time when the Pope was a threadbare Byzantine flunky–with the social standing of an assistant postmaster in Macedonia–the autonomous Church of Ireland was thriving, sending out its missionaries throughout the British Isles and onto the European continental. Britain, the Low Countries and Germany were being converted to the brogue.

By contrast, Rome’s organization in western Europe was a tenuous and nepotic network of patricians who served as bishops to protect themselves and their estates from barbarian encroachments. (The barbarians showed a superstitious deference to the Church; that was one way you could tell that they were barbarians.) This Church was hostage to the moods of barbarian princes as well as Byzantine magistrates. (Popes had been hauled off in chains to Constantinople.) So any claim to Rome’s primacy would have been a joke.

Yet, Rome persistently made that claim. Of course, it would have been effortless to ignore the pretensions of a figurehead of a theoretical church. But the Church of Ireland did not. By the mid-seventh century, it had grown and now was adminstering the ecclesiastical policies of all Britain. Yet a number of its prelates felt their British Church should abandon its autonomy and become subordinate to Rome. They were willing to cede their power and independence for the sake of a spiritual idea. Perhaps that was Christianity in action. The Celtic/British Church convened at a council in Whitby in 661 and, in effect, voted itself out of existence. The most organized and dynamic ecclesiastical system in Western Europe had submitted itself to a powerless, precariously balanced bishop in Rome.

And with that recognition, the Roman Church had become Catholic.

Too Eire Is Humor

Posted in General, On This Day on March 17th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – 6 Comments

Eugene Leprechaun FinishedShould we honor St. Patrick today

Just for drowning some snakes in a bay?

While you cannot contest

That the snake is a pest,

It at least kept the English away!

Euan Finn–born March 17, 1952

 

The Hystery of St. Patrick

And hereth is from the first draft of The Book of Kells…

 

And St. Patrick spoke to the Happy Hour crowd at The Drunken Druid’s Pub. “Consider all that God has to offer you.”

And the crowd grumbled, “Not that shamrock bit again.”

Patrick replied, “Obviously you are in no hurry for eternal salvation. You want immediate benefits. Okay. In my religion, we don’t have to sacrifice your good-looking virgins in the nearest bog…or anywhere. In fact, we want your homeliest ones and we’ll put them in convents.”

And the crowd considered this a miracle. But a bartending Druid challenged Patrick. “Now, what would you be wanting them homely virgins? After all, they are still our sisters.”

And Patrick answered, “We’ll guarantee them full-time work in gratifying jobs–teaching and terrorizing the children of the good-looking former virgins.”

But the Druid demanded, “But what kind of God would want a homely virgin?” And the crowd had to agree.

Patrick shrugged and said, “A Jewish one. They have the strangest taste in shiksas.”

The Druid sneered, “A Jewish God? One who can’t hold his own liquor?”

Patrick answered, “But He can make the liquor, distribute and market it!’

And so Ireland converted.

Euan the Bard

 

 

 

 

 

The Worst Englishman of the 19th Century

Posted in General on June 16th, 2009 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

A few years ago some British historians compiled a list of the worst Englishmen of the last thousand years.  The scoundrels were categorized by century.  The historians selected Jack the Ripper as the worst Englishman of the 19th century.  The Ripper did kill five prostitutes but “Jack” was a philanthropist compared to Charles Trevelyan.  A bureaucrat can destroy the lives of millions…and be knighted for it. 

The story is on page 20: 

http://www.dixonvalve.com/fgal/publications/Boss_Summer_2009_DIXBOS.pdf

I am not feeling quite so Anglophile today.

How the Irish Created Catholicism

Posted in General, On This Day on August 5th, 2008 by Eugene Finerman – 2 Comments

August 5, 641: A sainthood is always a nice consolation gift

On this day in 641, King Oswald of Northumbria became a martyr. He died attacking another English kinglet–Penda of Mercia—who evidently could defend himself. Since Penda was a pagan, that qualified Oswald for a sainthood. If Penda had also been Christian, then the slaughter would only have been intramural–and Oswald’s death would not have scored a halo.

But Penda’s victory was really the last Valhalliday for British pagans. The Angle-Saxon kingdoms were succumbing to the power and organization of an indominable Church: the Church of Ireland. Yes, at the time when the Pope was a threadbare Byzantine flunky–with the social standing of an assistant postmaster in Macedonia–the autonomous Church of Ireland was thriving, sending out its missionaries throughout the British Isles and onto the European continental. Britain, the Low Countries and Germany were being converted to the brogue.

By contrast, Rome’s organization in western Europe was a tenuous and nepotic network of patricians who served as bishops to protect themselves and their estates from barbarian encroachments. (The barbarians showed a superstitious deference to the Church; that was one way you could tell that they were barbarians.) This Church was hostage to the moods of barbarian princes as well as Byzantine magistrates. (Popes had been hauled off in chains to Constantinople.) So any claim to Rome’s primacy would have been a joke.

Yet, Rome persistently made that claim. Of course, it would have been effortless to ignore the pretensions of a figurehead of a theoretical church. But the Church of Ireland did not. By the mid-seventh century, it had grown and now was adminstering the ecclesiastical policies of all Britain. Yet a number of its prelates felt their British Church should abandon its autonomy and become subordinate to Rome. They were willing to cede their power and independence for the sake of a spiritual idea. Perhaps that was Christianity in action. The Celtic/British Church convened at a council in Whitby in 661 and, in effect, voted itself out of existence. The most organized and dynamic ecclesiastical system in Western Europe had submitted itself to a powerless, precariously balanced bishop in Rome.

And with that recognition, the Roman Church had become Catholic.

Would the Irish Have Liked Latkes?

Posted in General, On This Day on November 2nd, 2006 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

For a politician, Arthur Balfour was surprisingly sincere. Whether he had amusing memories of Benjamin Disraeli or had enjoyed a luxurious weekend at the Rothschilds, he really thought that the Jewish people were entitled to a homeland. On this day in 1917, as the Foreign Secretary of Britain, Balfour issued a declaration expressing the government’s official sympathy with the idea of a Jewish haven in Palestine.

Of course, Britain could afford to be so generous. The land was still under Turkish control. Furthermore, drained by the carnage of the ongoing Great War, Britain would have promised anything to anyone for any support. It would have offered Damascus to the Quakers if that would have added an extra brigade on the Western Front.

And the British Home Office might have a recommended a more practical site for a Jewish homeland: Ireland. The Jews could have served as a buffer between the Catholics and the Protestants. Connacht could have been the land of the Cohens. There was the risk that the Jews would be attacked by both sides, but the Irish were still more charming than Cossacks.

Indeed, who is to say that the Jews wouldn’t have quickly ingratiated themselves? They are nearly as loquacious as the Irish and without imperiling the liquor supply. Even more remarkable, they are the only people who read James Joyce–or at least try to.

Brendan Behan said, “Most people have nationalities. The Jews and the Irish have psychoses.” If only Behan had said it to Arthur Balfour….