TV Guide, Circa 1840
February 10, 1840: Bert Coburg Finds Steady Work
A Happy 170th Wedding Anniversary to Queen Victoria and Prince Albert!
Victoria and Albert could be considered the Lucy and Ricky of their time. She is earnest but not terribly bright; he is intellectual, puritanical and foreign. She adores him, and he lets her…and she does have her way. There are nine children. The oldest daughter, Vicky, is Miss Perfect; she is practically her father in drag. The oldest son, Bertie, is a classic goof and party-animal; he is the despair of his father. Of course, Vicky and Al also have some zany neighbors: Lou and Genie Bonaparte. (Lou is a rogue who always coming up with some get-rich-quick scheme, such as trying to setting up an empire in Mexico. He is the despair of his wife–who is dumb but gorgeous.)
Unfortunately, during the 22nd season of “I Love Vicky“, Albert does a John Ritter. There are a series of guest male leads to keep Victoria busy for the next 39 seasons. Among the stars are the charming, hilarious Ben Disraeli and the impossibly pompous William Gladstone. Of course, Bertie is still undermining the Victorian household; he now is a serial adulterer. And his oldest son may be Jack the Ripper. The oldest daughter, the perfect Vicky, has produced a perfect monster for a child: Willie to his grandmother, Kaiser Wilhelm to his subjects.
That is the basic outline. If we market it to cable, we’ll have to include nude scenes.
Dear Mr. Finerman,
Thank you for the recent submission of your series treatment for “Windsor 18401.” We’ve reviewed your suggestions and respectfully suggest you submit it to Fox.
A nude Victoria? Standards and practices will have NONE of that!
Not, mind you, based on the nudity per se, but on the SUBJECT of the nudity. And the love scenes? With Victoria lying back, thinking of England and muttering “Beige! I’ll paint the ceiling beige!”?
I don’t think it’s gonna work if we cast anyone who looks anything remotely like their historical antecedents.
Regards,
Jeffrey Zucker
Dear Bob,
Considering Victoria’s appearance (the Pillsbury Doughgirl), Albert might have been thinking of the wallpaper, too.
If Victoria actually looked like Emily Blunt, I imagine that even William Gladstone would have tried hitting on her. (And Disraeli would have succeeded!)
Eugene
p.s. From the archives, here is more gossip about Prince Albert: https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/08/26/questionable-birth-announcements/