Your RDA of Irony

Apocalypse Next

Demonstrating his concern for victims of Hurricane Gustav, President Bush announced guest memberships at Texas country clubs for anyone whose golf course has been flooded.

Arriving in Louisiana with 500 “John McCain for President” umbrellas, the Arizona Senator and his running mate Sarah “Rambelle” Palin expressed their conservative compassion for the victims. Ms. Palin demonstrated 30 different ways the umbrellas can be used to kill. Governor Bobby Jindal is expected to live. Ms. Palin almost apologized for the mistake, saying that the Indian-American “shouldn’t look that way, all terroristy.” Senator McCain did apologize, wishing Jindal “a full recovery or a better reincarnation.”

While McCain compared the plight of the hurricane victims to being in a North Vietnamese prison, Palin offered swimming lessons. “Every real American should be able to swim through ice floes while clutching a 50 caliber machine gun in your teeth.” Governor Rambelle also noted that the worst hurricanes always have “foreign names like Gustav and Katrina. And why don’t they ever strike those liberal places like New York or Beverly Hills?”

Rambelle may have included an ethic reference to her description of liberal places, but campaign spokesmen now insist that she said “jejune” or “Juneau”.

Responding to criticism that his running mate was a survivalist psychopath, Senator McCain said “Those are exactly the qualities America may need. You don’t really think that I can fix these Bush disasters: the economy, the wars, the climate–it is going to be chaos and barbarism. Anyone see “Mad Max” or “Waterworld”? I don’t expect to survive it; so the next President has to be a savage. Arnold Swarzenegger was just acting, but Sarah is the real thing. She will save the non-edible members of mankind. So what if she thinks that Christ’s first name is Thor?”

  1. Peggles says:

    By “non-edible I assume she means Republicans? I always said they were a tough crowd.

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