Your RDA of Irony

How to Get Published in the New York Times


Dear _____

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, we find your article does not suit our needs at this time.
When submitting an article for publication in the New York Times, please remember the following rules.

Within the first paragraph mention your Ivy League school, a Pre-Raphaelite artist and, when applicable, any sexual orientation. For example, an essay on the International Monetary Fund could begin, “In my Junior year at Yale, I fantasized a tour of London based on the delirium tremens of Dante Gabriel Rossetti.” Please note that the International Monetary Fund was not mentioned here and indeed could be omitted from the entire article. This would be irony–and we just love that.

Please remember that any submitted article must contain the following words or phrases: post-modernist, bildungsroman, louche, byzantine, angst and “the alleged works of William Shakespeare.”

Following these precepts will elevate you above those presumptuous parvenus whose slush pile entries are just a needless risk of papercuts. And even if your article is still rejected, think of it as being slapped in the face by Marcel Proust. You can feel a little more significant just by the mere contact.

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