Your RDA of Irony

I Made Dinejad

You may know that Iran’s President Mahmud Ahmadinejad has a blog. Did you know that I was ghostwriting it? This actually was one of the more reputable jobs that I found on Craigslist. So, of course, you want to know what Mahmud is really like.

I have no idea. I only know what I am told by his p.r. department, the typical collection of burned out reporters and bored debutantes. My supervising editor was Fatima Ahmadinejad. (No relative, because Moslems don’t count sisters.) Her instructions were to make Mahmud folksy, engaging and warm. I asked if he should be humorous. This question required a departmental conference and then a Sharia judgment. I was finally told that he could be funny so long as he did not seem Jewish or gay. So humor was out.

For each column, I was to be paid five barrels of oil. Since the payment is two weeks late, I feel free to offer this expose:

Mahmud does not actually know 47 ways to clean a Persian rug.

He really did dislike the last episode of Seinfeld. He would have had the cast driven into the sea.

He really is not using those centrifuges for nuclear weapons. Centrifuges are great for grilling goats, and they leave fewer ashes. (So you won’t need all those ways to clean a Persian rug.) Children also might enjoy decorating the centrifuges with fingerpaints and sparkle; but remember, no images of Mohammed.

He actually does not speak English but still is confident that he could beat George Bush on Jeopardy.

  1. Craigslist does really offer distasteful assignments. I had the opportunity to write scripts for pornographic cartoons.

  2. Peggles says:

    A crash-test dummy could beat “W” at Jeopardy!

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