Your RDA of Irony

How To Thank Alberto Gonzales

Former Attorney General’s Legal Fees Mount in Probe

Washington Post

Supporters of former attorney general Alberto R. Gonzales have created a trust fund to help pay for his legal expenses, which are mounting in the face of an ongoing Justice Department investigation into whether Gonzales committed perjury or improperly tampered with a congressional witness.

The establishment of a legal defense fund for the nation’s former chief law enforcement officer underscores the potential peril confronting Gonzales, who is one of a handful of attorneys general to face potential criminal charges for actions taken in office.

A contribution form asking for donations to the Alberto R. Gonzales Legal Expense Trust suggests amounts from $500 to $5,000.

And we can offer these fabulous gifts to thank you for your donation!

For just $500, you can have the recorded telephone calls of any ten Americans you request. You’ll know everything they said in 2007. (Of course, contributers to the Alberto R. Gonzales Legal Expense Trust are protected–which is all the more reason you’ll want this gift.)

For just a $1000 donation, the IRS will audit anyone you wish. And for you bargain lovers, order three audits for only $2500. Better yet, the audit’s tax penalty–and we guarantee one–will be donated to the Alberto R. Gon…well, you know.

With a $2000 donation, you can add anyone’s name to the TSA terrorist list. What a surprise for that frequent flier who suddenly finds himself spending 36 hours in a holding cell. Complimentary Tasering included. And for an additional $500, the arrest will be leaked to Fox News.

For just a $3000 donation, you won’t have to share this country with someone you don’t like. Yes, have his citizenship revoked! We promise you reserved seating at the deportation hearing. And guess what Legal Defense Fund will receive the forfeited social security.

With a $4000 donation, you can send someone to an indefinite stay at an unspecified site. And for an additional $500, you can personally conduct the enhanced interrogation.

And for a $5000 donation, you will receive a Presidential Pardon for whatever you did on this list.

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