Posts Tagged ‘Rachel Ray’

Let’s Have Another Cup of Kaffiyeh….

Posted in General on June 1st, 2008 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

The sight of Rachel Ray in a paisley scarf apparently is an endorsement of terrorism. Dunkin’ Donuts has acknowledged as much by withdrawing a television commercial featuring Ms. Ray in her chic of Araby. Knowing the intellectual standards of advertising, if there were a subliminal message in the scarf, it would be Kaffiyeh– “coffee yea!”

But the danger is far greater than just a scarf: coffee is an Arabic word! Yes, like any terrorist, qahwah has disguised its real identity by passing itself off under a false name–the Italianized caffe. Generations of Americans have been addicted to this Arabic drug, and recent demographic studies have revealed what must be qahwah’s insidious effects. Americans are become smaller and darker. (I can personally attest to looking Semitic.)

Our national survival demands that we stop drinking qahwah. Without having to acknowledge that the American Revolution was a mistake, we could resume drinking tea. But tea is a Chinese word, and that nation is not exactly trustworthy either. Milk might seem wholesome but it is dangerously similar to the Iranian word melq. (Damn Indo-Europeans.) Perhaps we should adapt the habits of our Founding Fathers. John Adams, Ben Franklin and Button Gwinnett drank hard cider and ale for breakfast. (Washington could afford wine.) Of course, we cannot endorse “alcohol” as our national beverage–if only because alcohol is an Arabic word. But there is nothing subversive about the Dutch word “booze.”

So, for the sake of Western Civilization, start off each day with an Irish coffee–but skip the coffee.