Posts Tagged ‘LinkedIn’

The Missing Eugene

Posted in General on May 3rd, 2012 by Eugene Finerman – 5 Comments
You probably thought that I had succumbed to old age and now was in Hell’s TV lounge, watching Jeopardy with Satan–and beating Him to the answers. (I think that we would be evenly matched in history and politics; He’d have the advantage in economics and psychology, but I would be better in the arts.  Out of courtesy, I might let Him answer a question about John Milton.) 
Rest assure, however, I am not there yet.  I am still in the Purgatory of learning Hebrew for my bar mitzvah.  To memorize my Torah portion, I have resorted to mnemonic tricks.  “Yogi bear is annoyed, needs a shave…Bo Derek owes me a backrub.”  There is a risk that I might accidently recite that instead of the actual Hebrew.  Fortunately, at a Reform synagogue no one would know the difference.
And I must admit that I have found another distraction:  history fan clubs on LinkedIn.  I joined one group and, with my pedantic quips, soon was receiving invitations to join other groups.   When you are this generation’s foremost Byzantine humorist, everyone wants you. Here is an example, incited by a discussion of historical periodicals: when do they begin and end?
The boundaries of historical periods are flexible. Does Antiquity last longer in the Eastern Roman Empire than in the West?
One morning the Emperor Zeno woke up to discover that he was in the Middle Ages. He didn’t feel particularly medieval; indeed, the court eunuchs assured Zeno that he looked as classical as ever. Still, he couldn’t ignore the smirks from the history department at Constantinople University.
However, in my historic irreverence, I earned a relentless enemy.  He was outraged by my comments on Aethelred the Unready.   My new nemesis not only denounced me–in sporadically grammatic English–on LinkedIn.  He also is stalking me in other groups, publicly editing my comments even when he happens to agree with me.  I imagine that he is lurking here, too. 
Michael Douglas gets a young Glenn Close and I get this guy. So if I am found beaten to death by a copy of “Beowulf”, please notify the police of the most likely suspect.
(And then I really will be in Hell’s TV lounge, watching Jeopardy with His Eminence.)
p.s.  And here is the incendiary musing on Aethelred the Unready:

My Gestapo Groupie

Posted in General on September 16th, 2008 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

If you are not familiar with LinkedIn, well neither am I. I know that it is some sort of “network” that is supposed to promote me in all my glory to a world eager to employ me. Presumably the ensuing riches will surpass whatever LinkedIn would charge me. Several people have asked me to join their circus of connections and I am usually too polite to refuse.

Today, however, is an exception. Through the LinkedIn standard form, a woman asked me to join her connections. But I feel somewhat reluctant because I hate her. She used to send me Anti-Semitic letters and literature. No, I did not meet her at a Nuremberg rally. She is a fan of Jeopardy, if not Jews. You have to marvel at my luck with psychotic groupies. Clint Eastwood gets Jessica Walters, Michael Douglas gets Glenn Close…but I get Mel Gibson in drag.

She denounced Jews for thinking “they’re special” and “better than anyone else” , and she saw no reason for our continued existence. However, at least she did not blame me for killing Jesus. As far as she was concerned, he was just another loudmouth Jew who got what he deserved.

Now, for your RDA of Irony: she is a Jew. But she apparently thought I should either agree with her self-loathing or absolve her of it. While I am not a qualified psychiatrist, I would have recommended a tallith for a straitjacket. After a few attempts at civil discourse, I told her that she had every right to be self-loathing but not to blame the Jews for it. Did she take the hint? No, I evidently was too Talmudically subtle.

And she still thinks that I would want to be one of her connections.