FinermanWorks

George Bush Forgives Kanye West

Meanwhile on another metaphysical plane, Louis XV admitted the greatest disappointment of his disastrous 59-year reign:  that he would be portrayed by Rip Torn.  When not flirting with Meredith Viera, the 300 year-old retired monarch offered the sum of his retrospective. 

“I couldn’t believe Coppola’s casting of ‘Marie Antoinette’.  Jason Schwartzman was too good-looking to be my grandson, and Rip Torn is not good-looking enough to be me.  And Torn lacks my dignity.  There is a difference between a rummy and a roue.  I just can’t get over that miscasting.”

When Meredith asked his reactions to entrusting the government to the corrupt and incompetent, to bankrupting France, to his needless wars and the loss of France’s stature as a world power, Louis replied, “Huh?”

p.s.  Let’s not forget the historic significance of this day: https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2009/11/10/abu-ghraib-is-arabic-for-andersonville/

Rambling 1:

Republican lobbyists are trying to extort contributions to the George W. Bush Presidential Library. The Bush Library sounds about as logical as the Gore Vidal Bowling Alley.

Rambling 2:

As you know, this is the 1494th anniversary of the death of Pope Symmachus. During the time of his pontificate (498-514), the chief talent of a pope was sychophancy. Italy was ruled by the Ostrogoths, and the Pope had to play up to the guys with the swords. At the same time, he couldn’t be too nauseatingly obvious about it. After all, at the time the unquestioned leader of Christendom was not a threadbare bishop in ransacked Rome but the Emperor in Constantinople.

However, Symmachus seemed more sincere in his grovelling to the Ostrogoths; so the Byzantine partisans conspired against him. They accused Symmachus of fornication. The Pope successfully defended himself by saying that he only had one mistress. In Italy, that evidently counts as celibacy.

Rambling 2 postscript:

Here is a surprise. The Catholic Encyclopedia’s article on Pope Symmachus omitted any reference to the fornication controversy.

Rambling 3:

The South could have avoided the Civil War with a little corporate tact. Instead of referring to its “guest-workers” as slaves, it should have used a more congenial term like “associates.” If Simon Legree had simply described Uncle Tom as an associate, a stakeholder or a team mate, why would Mrs. Stowe or Mr. Lincoln object to such a productive partnership?

Upon arriving in the United States, Pope Benedict found himself forced to attend an audience with George Bush. Here is the likely transcript….

Commandude Bush: Ya know, Poppie, ya oughta be confessing to me. Why aren’t ya supporting us in Iraq? The Crusades were your idea.

Pope: Ve lost der crusades.

Dude: Ya did? So ya let the terrorists win?

Pope: Actually, everywun said ve vere der terrorists.

Dude: Don’t need that loser talk! And I’m gonna give ya a second chance to join my team.

Pope: I prefer mein coach.

Dude: Ya haven’t heard my offer, yet. How would ya like a seat on the Supreme Court? I think that ya’re pretty reliable on pro-life, and the Cadalik Church ought to be pro-corporation. Your guys invented it.

Pope: I am not a lawyer.

Dude: But who’s gonna vote against ya? Besides, ya can judge on all them child-molestation cases. Save the Church a lot of money. In fact, if ya need any cash, it seems we might owe ya some. My lawyers–smart Jews, ya don’t know what ya’re missing–anyway they tell me your folks have the original patent on waterboarding. So, I guess every time we use it, we have to pay ya a fee. We could be talkin’ some serious money.

Pope: So, as der patent holders, ve can insist that you schtop vaterboarding.

Dude: Don’t ya get high and mighty on me. A man who dresses like my mother! I can have ya in Guantanamo faster than ya can say….whatever ya say in Cadalik. I’ll just tell people ya made a pass at me.

Pope: You vouldn’t dare.

Dude: Fox News already has the story–and they are just waitin’. And I’ll punch ya in the mouth to make it look real.

Pope: All right, I vill say something encouraging about you und Iraq.

Dude: And ya’ll demand Cadaliks vote Republican and endorse Jeb as Vice President.

Pope: Dis is der second time dat I have surrendered to Americans. 1945 vas easier.

Dude: That’s when we still had the Geneva Convention.

According to Director OIiver Stone, George Bush has “set America back ten years.” How inaccurate! It seems that Stone’s arithmetic is as bad as his history. (Considering Bush’s English and Stone’s everything else, shouldn’t Yale lose its accreditation?) Ten years minus 2006 would place us back in the prosperous, peaceful if somewhat venereal Clinton days. George Bush has regressed this country much further than that. He has reestablished the hereditary rule of WASP upper class twits. In short, it could be 1774 again.

But wait, it is unfair to compare our reigning Commandude with England’s George III. At least the British monarch never presumed the Divine Right of Kings. On the contrary, he knew that his dynasty had been hired by Parliament, on the Hanoverian merits of being breathing Protestants.

A Parliament with authority and respect? The 18^th century is too avant-garde for our sovereign!

No, we are going back to the 1530s. That was the Golden Age for the Executive Branch, when Henry VIII even had right to fire God. Henry’s Parliament knew how to behave: a royal kennel of happy curs who only required an occasional kick.

But wait, paper-training a Parliament is still a bother. No, our descent is to to a time when there was no Parliament or even a bureaucratic nuisance like habeas corpus. King John was frivolous, petulant, tyrannical and incompetent: an obvious role model.

So welcome back to 1214.  And hope for some barons!