Posts Tagged ‘April 14th’

What If…

Posted in General, On This Day on April 14th, 2015 by Eugene Finerman – 2 Comments

Welcome to SciFi-History. What if Galileo had experimented with electricity instead of celestial voyeurism. The Church would not have objected–so long as Galileo did not deduce that Jesus was a robot. Now, in this technologically advanced world, here are the events of April 14, 1865:

President Lincoln would have preferred watching Artemus Ward on HBO, but Mrs. Lincoln demanded that they go out for the evening. They teleported to Ford’s Theamax and began their standard quarrel over what to see. Her choice was “Our American Cousin”; he didn’t like foreign films. Robert had suggested “Naughty Nurses of Atlanta” but the President didn’t dare see that in public: a private screening could be arranged. The Lincolns would end up spending two hours debating the merits of the fourteen films before giving up and going home.

All the while, John Wilkes Booth had gone from theater to theater, lunging into seven Presidential boxes and firing away. So far he had killed a meat packer from Wisconsin, a postmaster, and the Siamese ambassador. He had also shot a critic from the New York Times, but that had been intentional.

Titanic Disproves Global Warning!

Posted in General, On This Day on April 14th, 2011 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment
Apr 14, 1912:

RMS Titanic hits iceberg

April 14, 2011

Geraldo Rivera Vows to Find Iceberg.

“Maybe that iceberg is passing itself off as a Canadian igloo.  Maybe it fled to Antarctica, but I think that it is still out there lurking and ready to strike again.  I’ll find it and bring it to justice.”

Who Really Sank the Titanic

House Republicans Look For Culprits

Following a three-hour explanation by Eric Cantor that Iceberg is not necessarily a Jewish name, House Republicans demanded that the Public Broadcasting System should be defunded for its role in the ship’s sinking.  As proof, the scripts of “Upstairs, Downstairs” were read into the Congressional record.  Congressman Louis Gohmert of Texas also condemned the name “Titanic” for being a dirty word.

Senate Republicans Look for Culprits

An indignant Mitch McConnell wanted to know why any First Class passengers had drown.  “If they didn’t pay for a lifeboat, who did!”  The Senate then passed an unanimous resolution of apology to the Astor family.  The apology resolution to the Vanderbilts passed 70 to 30 when it was revealed that Anderson Cooper was related.  The apology resolution to the Strausses was 60 to 40; apparently their name sounded too much like iceberg.

p.s.  Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play: