Your RDA of Irony

The Gettysburg Redress

Has it really been 150 years since the battle of Gettysburg?  There are at least 11 states where the battle was just yesterday or has never occurred.  Today’s Republican Party would like to apologize for the outcome.

Of course, this is a wonderful day for historians.  The networks are giving them free lunches for their professorial insights into the battle and what might have been.

I wouldn’t mind a free lunch and a chance to flirt with Savannah Guthrie.  (With my luck, I’d get Andrea Mitchell–as if I needed another Jewish aunt.)

So here are my musings on the battle.

If the North had a different commander…

George McClellan, upon seeing a Confederate soldier or even a Chick Fil-A, would have occupied a stronger defensive position.  Probably around Quebec.

Ulysses Grant, upon learning that Lee had marched into Pennsylvania, would have ordered the Union Army to invade Virginia.  In Grant’s calculations, the South would miss Richmond more than the North would miss Philadelphia.

What the South should have done…

Jefferson Davis should have transferred his Secretary of State to a new project.  Mr. Davis could have told Judah Benjamin, “I hear you people are real good at splitting atoms.”

Lee should have just waited.  In 150 years, the Roberts Supreme Court would have granted the Confederacy’s independence.  And I can see Clarence Thomas writing the decision.



  1. Bob Kincaid says:

    “I can see Clarence Thomas writing the decision.”

    Yes, and the finally tally on that decision would be 4 3/5 to 4.

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