Your RDA of Irony

Downton Autopsy

Buckingham Palace announced today that Matthew Crawley will receive a state funeral and his body interred in Westminster Abbey.  The awkward fact that the late Mr. Crawley is a fictitious character on the soap opera “Downton Abbey” did not alter the Queen’s declaration of public mourning.  A Palace Spokesman (actually Prince Philip) explained, “Princess Di wasn’t all that real, either.”

In Parliament, there was debate regarding  Crawley’s death in a traffic accident.  The government promised to put a memorial stoplight at the site of the accident.  That failed to placate the public outrage.  Noting that worse things have occurred at the BBC, such as a staff comprised of KGB moles, Prime Minister Cameron did concede that the plot twist was outrageously stupid.  If anyone could come up with a better ending, the Prime Minster asked for suggestions.

Here is what members of Parliament, passing tourists and the cafeteria staff recommended…

The death most in keeping with Lady Mary’s character: After a successful mating with her husband, she beheads him.

The death most enjoyable to Labour voters:  A servant insurrection, of course.  Matthew holds off the scythe-wielding footmen while the rest of the aristocracy escapes.

The death most enjoyable to Tory voters:  Matthew is assassinated by Mohandas Gandhi.

The death most comprehensible to an American audience: While playing cricket, Matthew is bored to death.

The death most convenient for other British series:  The time machine of Doctor Who lands on Matthew.

The death with the best marketing possibilities:  Downtown Abbey merges with Boardwalk Empire.  It turns out that Lady Cora’s brother is Meyer Lansky.  Matthew apparently has a hunting accident with a Tommy Gun, although the quick marriage of Lady Mary with Al Capone raises some questions.  (HBO insists that Maggie Smith do nude scenes–but she still will look better than Lena Dunham.)



  1. wayne rhodes says:


  2. Eugene — You know full well the season finale was shown in England WAY before it aired here, thus negating your rather late-to-the-crypt funereal ideas. So, if the Queen buried Matthew months ago, it’s our job to ferret out exactly where he is buried and why. Let’s hope his fate was better than Richard III’s whom the English just exhumed from under a parking lot. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Those wacky Brits.” Tut-tut. Cheerio.

  3. Eugene Finerman says:


    In fact, the body of Matthew may have been switched with Richard’s. After a year of marriage to Lady Mary, anyone would look like a 550 year-old.


  4. Gerald Ritter says:

    Love it ! Brilliant. Cindy’s addition is right on. Thanks for the laughs.

    • Eugene Finerman says:


      Cindy is correct but you must never encourage her! That is like siding with Margaret Dumont against Groucho.


  1. There are no trackbacks for this post yet.

Leave a Reply