Your RDA of Irony

Wikileaks, 1905

To his disappoint, Theodore Roosevelt only received one Nobel Prize on this day in 1905.  The superb physical specimen was prepared to share the Nobel in Medicine with Robert Koch, but the President felt cheated of the Literature Prize.  He was as readable and far more pronounceable than Henryk Sienkiewicz.  However, those inexplicable Scandinavians only awarded him the Peace Prize, their tribute for his diplomacy in ending the Russo-Japanese War.

But just how diplomatic was Teddy?  Here is my estimation of the negotiations.

Teddy to the Russians:  Although you are alcoholic cretins, even you must noticed that you’ve lost the war.  My God, if Harvard’s football team was half as pathetic, the Alumni Association would have executed the players.  Your peasants aren’t exactly Ivy Leaguers but if they ever catch on….I think that you should end the war before the Japanese turn the Kremlin into a pagoda.

Teddy to the Japanese:  You gentlemen have been a bit unsporting.  Once you thrash your opponents, it seems a little much to disembowel them.  I personally can’t fault your exuberance but the British are such sticklers for etiquette.  I don’t think that they will invite you to the 1908 Olympics.  They worry about you beheading the competing polo ponies.  Now, if you are content to take all of Korea and some hegemony in Manchuria, I think that we can get you into the better clubs.  Maybe even a marriage into the British royal family.


p.s.  And this was the war:

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