Your RDA of Irony

Mitternich Romney

Hello, I’m Bob Schieffer and I welcome you to the third and last of our presidential debates.  Tonight our topic is Foreign Policy.  My first question for the candidates is this:  “What is America’s role in the world?”

We will start with Governor Romney.

Romney:  I want to agree with the accomplishments of this administration because they were all my ideas in the first place.  Killing Osama, the Marshall Plan, I am glad that I could help.  But now let’s talk about the President’s failures.  I have met bellhops around the world… Anne kids me about slumming, but it really makes them feel better especially after she has slapped them…And I have been seriously alarmed by the worldwide contempt for our current tax policies.  I remember a  maid in Paris–the George V, of course–just sobbing, ‘How can America be so ungrateful and cruel to its job creators?”  I am pretty sure that was what she was saying in French.  And I have heard the same heartfelt sentiment in Chinese, Indian and Swiss.

At the same time in these last four years, we have seen the rise of Islam in the Middle East.  Egypt and Iran are now Moslem countries.  How could you have let this happen, Mr. President.  I can promise you that when I am President, I will show my support for Israel by naming a new aircraft carrier for Bea Arthur.

We also have to stand up to China, and we can start–my fellow Americans–by boycotting P.F. Chang’s or at least not leaving tips.

Iran is our greatest threat, so I intend to acquire the country in a leveraged buyout and drive it into bankruptcy.  Bain Capital can do the same thing as Alexander the Great, and without the homosexual stuff.

Obama:  I would list the successes of this administration but apparently I was plagiarizing Governor Romney.  So let me tell you the foreign policy of our second term.  I will be doing an apology tour  for everything that he just said.

  1. Nancy Kullman says:


  2. Peg Pruitt says:

    You failed to list two of Mitt ‘s great accomplishments: the Berlin airlift and personally dismantling the Berlin Wall at the behest of Ronald Reagan (insert sound of heavenly choir singing here). Also, the latest GOP attack ad accuses Obama of causing the Permian Extinction and the Chicago Fire (Mrs. O’Leary’s animal was a scapecow created by the democrats).

  3. Cindy Starks says:

    Eugene — What can I say? I am full of dolors… or something like that. And I never did like P.F. Chang — the P was okay, not the F and certainly not the Chang. Sheesh! I am sure I will also need to take an apology tour. But not right now.

  4. Michele says:

    Eugene, this is definitely what Mitt was trying to say. Unfortunately, he lacks your eloquence.

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