Your RDA of Irony

The Job Market

Job Opening 1

Syria: ambassador who defected should be punished

BEIRUT — Syria’s Foreign Ministry said Thursday that the country’s former ambassador to Iraq should be punished after his defection to the opposition seeking to overthrow President Bashar Assad.

To defect to Iraq…that is humiliating.  Yes, it is better than fleeing to North Korea or Zimbabwe, but nonetheless consider the affront.  “Hi, I would rather be blown up in Baghdad than DamascusThe gruesome chaos here is much nicer.”  Now, if the Ambassador had fled to France, who would blame him?  Madame Assad would probably join him.

Job Opening 2

Yes, this is a real ad:

We are currently in search of a Communications Manager for an Association in downtown Chicago .

POSITION TITLE: Communications Manager

SALARY: $15 – $17/hour, commensurate with experience

In Mumbai, a 14 year-old might consider this as an after-school job.

I could make more money running a lawn service….

Eugene’s Lawn and Lectures:  I can design your yard to look like any famous battlefield.

The Teutoburg Hint:  An arbor for any political canvassers, Jehovah Witnesses and those high school fundraisers (“Hi, Wanna buy a coupon book for our marching band and methadone clinic”).  As they stroll through your front yard forest, they should notice that previous solicitors have their skulls nailed to the trees.  Let them know how much you appreciate their visits.

Austerlitz Terrace:  What is more envigorating than a brisk climb up a hill?  Having someone push you off it.  A Tolstoy motif–“War, Splat and Peace”.

The Somme Valley:  Trenches and mud.  Very low maintenance–if anything gets mowed down, it won’t be grass.

So let me make your yard look like a spectacle!

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