Your RDA of Irony

Coming Distractions

Donald Trump to Moderate Republican Debate

And here is the likely transcript…

His Profuse Eminence Donald Trump:   According to the rules, all the candidates will have a chance to beg for my endorsement.  But rules were never meant for people like me. Do you think that my time is going to be wasted on Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman?  Maybe Michele Bachmann if she were 15 years younger.  There are only two people I want to hear:  Willard Romney and Newt Gingrich.  All right, boys, start your groveling.

Romney:  You are looking wonderful, Mr. Trump, and so is this very handsome and beautiful audience, and the magnificent American people.  But all of you should know that Newt Gingrich did not wash his hands after using the washroom.

Gingrich:  As you are probably too stupid to know, hygiene is a foreign word–reflecting the depraved values of the Roman Empire.  George Washington and Jesus never took a daily bath, but Caligula and Nero did.  And these Roman monsters are the type of people that Willard would rather smell than hard-working Americans.

Romney:  Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Gingrich:  Of course, you would be quoting that European socialist, John Wesley.  Can’t you quote any Americans?

Romney:  When I wash my hands, whether I need to or not, I am thinking of the noble and photogenic Americans who made that sink, those faucets, the soap, and the water.  My cleanliness is the miracle of Free Enterprise, and I want to thank everyone of you because I am not sticky like Newt.

Trump:   Okay, boys, now tell me how you would deal with Iran.

Romney:  That is a brilliant question, Mr. Trump, and I am certain that the dazzling businessman like you will appreciate my strategy.  I would buy Iran.  Of course, I would borrow the money from China, using Iran’s oil as collateral.  Since I then will also be President of Iran, I will repeat the same managerial techniques that I used at Bain Capital:  looted assets, massive layoffs, crippling debts.  There won’t be a country left.  Iran may have been conquered by Alexander the Great and Genghis Khan, but they were nothing compared to a Harvard MBA.

Gingrich:  And yet your high-falluting Harvard degrees didn’t win the war in Viet Nam.

Romney:  I was never in Viet Nam…and neither were you.

Gingrich:  But I was here in America, ready to protect this country, when you were a spoiled rich kid vacationing in France.

Romney:  I was doing missionary work there.

Gingrich:  And is France now a Mormon country?  Have the Osmonds headlined at the Follies Bergere?  No, you failed–just as you would in Iran.

Trump:  Newt, your critics think that you are too evil to be President.  What is your response?

Gingrich:  By definition, my critics are imbecile.  Evil is a prerequisite to greatness.  Sociopaths make inspiring leaders.  Think how Hannibal Lecter could administer America’s healthcare.  He would be my first choice for Surgeon General.  Evil shows a creativity and initiative.  It adds charisma to my brilliance.  Who wants Goody-Two-Shoes here?  To quote Disraeli, “He does not have a single redeeming vice.”

Romney:  So you are quoting Disraeli?  Well, he was foreign.

Gingrich:  Are you saying that a Jew can’t be an American?

Romney:  Of course, a Jew can be an American.  Jack Benny was swell, and Irving Berlin and…

Gingrich:  So, you are flip-flopping again.  Now you just love all those New York liberal types.   Can you at least be a consistent bigot?

Romney:  Besides, maybe I didn’t know that Disraeli was Jewish!

Rick Perry:  Come on, Mitt, even I knew that.

Trump:  So, Willard, your critics think you are too nauseating to be President.  Don’t bother to respond.


p.s.  Let’s not forget the historic events of this week:

December 4th:

December 5th:

December 6th:

December 7th:

December 9th:

December 10th:











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