Birth of a Notion
Then
Mississippi Votes on Life at Conception Ballot Initiative
Hoping to demonstrate his conservative principles, Gov. Mitt Romney stated his belief that life begins at ovulation. His rival–in his mind, anyway–Senator Rick Santorum took a slightly stronger position: every woman who isn’t pregnant is a murderess. Once he was told the meaning of ovulation, Gov. Rick Perry demanded the abolition of the FDA. Upon a second explanation of ovulation, Gov. Perry giggled. Herman Cain introduced his 9-9 plan–mandating each American’s production of nine children in nine years to surpass China’s population. Michelle Bachmann denounced the Federal Reserve’s management of sperm banks. Newt Gingrich declared that unfertilized ova were the leading cause of salmonella. Ron Paul pretended his microphone wasn’t working.
But now
Mississippi Defeats Life at Conception Ballot Initiative
Mitt Romney announced that he had always been a supporter of Proception. Rick Perry dismissed conception as a theory, noting that he never personally had one. Herman Cain was personally offended by the obvious liberal bias of Merriam-Webster in placing menstruate so close to minstrel. Michelle Bachmann said her husband could cure homophones. Newt Gingrich noted that Fallopian is a foreign word, “the kind they use in socialist Europe.” Rick Santorum would limit citizenship to infants produced by the missionary position; he was a little vague how that could be proved. Ron Paul remembered when libertarians were considered lunatics.
A classic!