Your RDA of Irony

Suffering Suffrage

Saudi king gives women right to vote


JEDDAH — Saudi Arabia’s king announced on Sunday women would be given the right to vote and stand in elections, a bold shift in the ultra-conservative absolute monarchy as pressure for social and democratic reform sweeps the Middle East.

It was by far the biggest change in Saudi Arabia’s tightly-controlled society yet ordered by the 88-year-old Abdullah bin Abdulaziz al-Saud, who took power six years ago with a reformer’s reputation but has ruled as a cautious conservative.

In practice, the measure will do little to change how the country is run: Saudi Arabia’s rulers allow elections only for half of the seats on municipal councils which have few powers. Only men will vote at the next elections which will take place next week; women will be allowed to vote in 2015.

How to Be a Saudi Election Judge; 2015 edition

All prospective women voters must have the following identification:  their husband standing next to them.

The husband must accompany any and all of his wives into the voting booth.  However, the wife is free to vote regardless of her husband’s wishes.  The husband is free to cut off her hand–but only one.  Any woman choosing to be organ donors may donate her offending hand to the goat feed charity of her choice.

Following her vote, a woman is to be flogged twenty times.  This is to discourage voter fraud.

On the other hand (the one still attached)

WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court ruled Monday that states can require voters to produce photo identification without violating their constitutional rights, validating Republican-inspired voter ID laws. In a splintered 6-3 ruling, the court upheld Indiana’s strict photo ID requirement, which Democrats and civil rights groups said would deter poor, older and minority voters from casting ballots. Its backers said it was needed to prevent fraud.

Approving Indiana’s requirement of 12 photos–including three nudes and one of the prospective voter eating watermelon, Chief Justice John Roberts dismissed the objections that the standards were discriminatory and onerous. “Twelve photographs are easily accumulated. A picture at a Rotary golf outing, your Harvard yearbook, the wedding announcement in the New York Times. And anyone who hasn’t been photographed nude at a frat party just hasn’t lived.” The Chief Justice did acknowledge the possibility that the poor and minority groups might not have such prestigious photos, if any at all. “In that case, just bring a letter of introduction from your former owner.”

In a concurring but separate opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas felt that prospective voters–should at the request of election judges or state troopers–sing ‘Camptown Racetrack.’ “I do it without them even asking. And if you don’t know the words, you don’t deserve to vote.”


  1. Peg Pruitt says:

    Zing! One of your best, Eugene.

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