Omission Accomplished
From the desk of Roger Ailes
Why the hurry to get rid of Osama bin Laden’s body? Who knows what the DNA might have revealed? Get Frank Luntz to research whether our audience prefers Osama to be the father or the twin brother of Obama.
Also, wasn’t the public entitled to see the body? What a great exhibit at the Smithsonian! And imagine what the Disney folks could do with animatronics! So much better than taxidermy. The corpse could have been programmed to dance or say liberal things. That’s the problem with this administration: no sense of entertainment. It would rather raise taxes than charge admission.
How’s this…Obama shortchanges the AMERICAN public because he is sensitive/squeamish about terrorist/Moslem corpses. Here is something from the research department (good idea hiring Jeopardy hasbeens): Arabs have no respect for Western corpses! I see Gretchen Carlson saying this….
In 260 the Roman Emperor Valerian invaded Persia. He must have been looking for weapons of mass destruction, because he and his army certainly found them. At least the Emperor survived but as a prisoner. The Persian Shah used Valerian as a footstool. Since it was not a pampered captivity, Valerian soon died and then began his second career. He was stuffed and mounted as a public trophy.
(Note to programming: change Emperor to President and Shah to tyrant. Makes it easier for our audience to empathize.)
But Obama wouldn’t do that, cheating the American public of their trophy! And the President Valerian comparison–repeatedly stressed– makes Obama seem either pro-Iranian or Anti-Italian. Hell, why not both! Our viewers can manage two phobias at once.
Next topic: Baseball programming. Cover left field less often than right, and make sure it looks worse.