Your RDA of Irony

How a “Winton Blount” May Kill Muammar Gaddafi

To finance its military operations over Libya, the United States is now using coin-operated airplanes.  An American plane will not take off until $50,000 in quarters have been deposited in the coin meter.  A Pentagon spokesman admitted that a credit card system would have been  preferable, but no major bank would approve the government’s card application.  At least with this pay-as-you-bomb system, America can measure the true commitment of its allies.  For example, Saudi Arabia has purchased 12 billion dollars worth of quarters, buying out the entire “Postmaster Generals of the United States” commemorative collection.

Just this morning 14 tons of quarters were delivered to the aircraft carrier the USS Fred McMurray. (Yes, it was built during the Reagan administration; how did you guess?)  Then the coins were duly loaded into each plane’s meter.  However, the additional ton of weight left no room for actual bombs.  So the planes bombarded Libya with the quarters.  However, dropped from ten thousand feet, the coins are as deadly as the regular munitions, frequently more accurate, and still less expensive.

In a slightly related story, the State Department felt obliged to explain why U.S. planes had bombed the home of the Dalai Lama.  “No, it is not a change in policy or anything personal.  This was just a monthly interest payment to China.”

Speaking of insolvent governments, let’s not forget the historic significance of this day:

  1. john tsitrian says:

    Ya know, this concept of “in-kind” ordnance could revolutionize warfare–and bring a humane component into it to boot. Suppose for example that the Norwegian Air Force drops cannisters of lutefisk on to enemy positions (well, forget my suggest about “humane”, but anyway), Germany could follow-up with salvos of limburger, the Brits some aged mutton followed by a Swedish meatball barrage. And if Israel would ever join in the fray, a frontal assault by Israeli Marines bearing opened jars of gefilte fish would guarantee instant surrender. Eugene, the possibilities are endless–think of the savings and imagine the glee of agricultural producers in the attacking countries. No more food surpluses, no more ag subsidies–and it would end the expensive chokehold of the military-industrial complex in the western alliance. We can now have food for food, food for peace, food for energy . . . and food for war. Now where’s my Peace Prize?

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