Your RDA of Irony


I received a letter from “Viking Cruises” asking me to fill out a survey. Perusing the questions, I was so disappointed that they just don’t make Vikings like they used to. I was not asked my favorite weapons or the last time I sacked an Irish monastery. Nor could I imagine Hrolf the Gangly, Eric Bloodaxe or Sweyn Forkbeard asking:

What do you most enjoy about cruising?

a. Unpacking just once and visiting several cities
b. Gourmet meals with regional specialties
c. Socializing with fellow travelers

Christianity certainly had a pacifying influence on Scandinavia. (It had just the opposite effect in Spain, Ireland and the Republican party.) Who would want to go on a vacation with Sorin Kierkegaard?

So here are the type of questions that I would expect from “Viking Cruises“. (I have translated them for those who can’t read runes.)

1. An ideal Viking cruise would go to:
a. Countries that are defenseless
b. Countries with no extradition
c. All of the above

2. Whom would you rather carry off to Iceland?
a. A young Maureen O’Hara
b. A young Catherine Deneuve
c. Even an old Catherine Deneuve

What do you enjoy most about cruising?
a. Unpacking just once and sacking several cities
b. Gourmet meals with regional specialties because that always makes disemboweling more interesting
c. Socializing with fellow sociopaths: the maraud the merrier!




  1. Tom Kelso says:

    Had the reverse effect on the Irish? Tsk, tsk, Euan — imagine how you would react if neighbors with worse teeth, worse beer and worse poetry — and all the religious sensitivity of a GOP platform committee — decided the best solution for their oversupply of wastrel second and third sons was to take over your land? (Think of them as Romans, with lousier cuisine. You get the idea.)

    Even Joey the carpenter’s kid would have taken a two-by-four to the inbred louts.

    • Eugene Finerman says:

      Perhaps those offensive neighbors would have been less abusive to Druids. They showed rather admirable restraint when they moved in on the Hindus–only robbing them blind–and actually being better behaved than the native bullies.

      And we really don’t know how passive the Carpenter’s kid was. Only his p.r. firm said so, especially in the press kits after Titus’ urban renewal of Jerusalem.


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