Your RDA of Irony

Monday Musings

While I am on hold, waiting for a Comcast service representative to get on line, I have time to translate “War and Peace” into Romulan.  (I think that the Romulans would prefer Napoleon to win.)  I am trying to ignore Comcast’s Muzak selection–a continuous accordion rendition of “Rhinestone Cowboy”–but admiring the corporation’s subtle way of encouraging me to hang up.  It is more tasteful and effective than waterboarding.  In the meantime, let’s scan the headlines.

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James: Officially Divorced

Sandra Bullock may be a bad sport.  I have had illicit sexual affairs with every Neo-Nazi stripper I know, and my wife doesn’t mind at all.

Supreme Court extends gun rights to states, cities

It is only a matter of time before someone pulls a gun on “Jeopardy.”  In hindsight, I wish that I could have threatened Alex and demand that the daily double be in the British Monarchs category instead of “Roller Derby Champions.”  At the time, such conduct might have seemed psychopathic.  Now, thanks to the Supreme Court’s standard 5 to 4, I simply would be exercising my patriotic rights.

Kagan vows to be unbiased, deferential to Congress

Today Elena Kagan was denounced for her vocabulary.  After saying “deferential” in front of Senator Jeff Sessions, the Supreme Court nominee was attacked for “flaunting her fancy elitistic liberal big words”.  An apologetic Kagan assured the Senator that she only meant to say she’d be “real polite to the Congress.”  The Senator then condemned the nominee for saying ‘assure.’

Senator Tom Coburn was more concerned about Ms. Kagan’s promises to be unbiased.  “What do you people have against biases?  Real Americans don’t have to worry about them.”

Senator Lindsey Graham only asked her if she would like to see a movie.  “It would be good for both of our reputations.”

p.s.  Was my musical parody that bad? I thought it would be on YouTube by now.

p.p.s.  And let’s not forget the historic significance of this day:

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