Your RDA of Irony

The Daze of Wine and Roses

Of course, you have long wondered which wine to serve with French fries.  Through the vagaries of social obligation (my wife made me), we found ourselves at a restaurant where the menu recommends the suitable vintage for each and every offering.  If you want the Russet frites–alias fries- you should savor them with a sparkling wine.  That will be $8 for the fries and $9 for the glass of wine. 

Let’s continue our oenophiliac’s guide to bankruptcy.  What wine would you serve with a beet salad?  (Please ignore the fact that beet salad is only slightly more appealing than waterboarding.)  Beets are red, so you would probably order a wine of the same color.  Well, to plagiarize Alex Trebek, “I’m sorry.”  The correct answer is a Gewurztraminer, which does sound like a death camp but actually is another sparkling wine.  And yes, the glass of wine does cost more than the salad.

Time for entrees.  What goes with ricotta gnocchi?  Something Italian?  “I’m sorry.”  You should have served a viognier, even if you have never heard of it.  Naturally, I wouldn’t know what to serve with pork; I suppose a crucifix and a beer.  However, the restaurant assures me that Mel Gibson would expect a syrah.

And don’t forget the dessert wines.  For bread pudding you want the muscat, and the creme brulee requires a semillon.  God may forgive you for ordering wrong, but the sommelier never will.  (He may be entitled to strangle you with his chain–and, yes, there will be a corkage fee for that.)  Mind you, there is one advantage to being condemned as a social outcast.  If you are drinking yourself into oblivion, any wine is correct.

p.s.  Let’s not forget the historic significance of this day:

  1. Wimple says:

    A couple of weeks ago one of my son’s brought home a new girlfriend — a sommelier! Not sure how she felt about by box of Chardonnay, but she’s no longer the girlfriend…

    • Eugene Finerman says:

      Wine in a box is still more gracious than serving instant iced tea. When you have me over (although I won’t be dating your son) I’d be happy with just a diet soda.


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