Your RDA of Irony

A Black Belt in Politics

Ukraine Passes Deal Under Hail of Eggs


MOSCOW — Lawmakers pelted the podium with eggs and catcalls before stalking across the aisle, putting their colleagues in headlocks and engaging in other tactics not exactly covered by Robert’s Rules of Order. Smoke bombs were set off in the chamber.  Glue was poured into voting machines. The legislative leader directed the session behind umbrellas held by his aides, to protect him from projectiles.

 Ukraine’s Parliament was supposed to conduct a weighty debate on Tuesday revolving around the country’s sovereignty and relationship with neighboring Russia, but the proceedings often seemed more like a food fight in a high school cafeteria.

At issue was whether to ratify an agreement to extend the lease on a Russian naval base on the Crimean Peninsula in Ukraine by 25 years. In the end, it was narrowly approved, with 236 votes out of a possible 450, but not before the Parliament appeared to do some damage to its own reputation. The two sides even got into a shoving match and tug-of-war over a giant Ukrainian flag.

Shamed as underachievers, the Republican members of Congress are changing their monthly toupee fittings to a weekend course in martial arts.  While respecting the Ukrainian chaos, the Republicans prefer to model themselves after the Ninjas.  As Yellow Belt Pundit William Kristol explained, “you can increase the deadliness of rotten eggs by adding nails to them.”  Another advantage of hurling the Ninja Omelet is that most of the Dry Cleaners in Washington D.C. are owned by the Unification Church. 

As further proof of its new militancy, the GOP has filed papers–in the Bahamas, of course–to have the Republican Party reorganized as a street gang.  A Frank Luntz focus group will determine the most terrifying but appealing name for the gang.  Among the most promising choices are Freedom’s Stormtroopers,  Tanks for Jesus and–if a corporate sponsor has his say–Rupert’s Rippers.

p.s.  Obviously the Enlightenment is in the past tense but let’s remember the historic significance of this day:

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