Your RDA of Irony

If Only We Could Find A Scandinavian Lawn Service…


U.S.’s Toughest Immigration Law Signed in Arizona

Phoenix–State police arrested half of the cast of a high school production of “West Side Story”.  Some question was raised why it was also necessary to incarcerate the teenagers playing Lieutenant Schrank and the kindly old pharmacist Doc.  As the arresting officer explained, “We had to make sure that the characters weren’t Sephardic.”

Of course, some of you would like my solution to the question of illegal aliens.  Here it is.  First, we provide all of them with a handwritten apology for the Treaty of Guadalope-Hidalgo. (A translation will be provided for Polish cleaning ladies.) Furthermore, we establish a rewards program based on the number of miles that illegal aliens travel. Anyone who accumulates 25,000 miles will receive a green card. So, it would encourage “surprise visitors” (the liberals’ term) to go to Minnesota or Alaska rather than all those states with inexplicably Hispanic names.

At the other extreme, there is Glenn Beck’s plan.  He would move Mexico’s northern border to the Yucatan peninsula. Pointing to a Risk board, Beck pointed out how much smaller a Yucatan boundary would be to barricade.  Reporters–but none on Fox– noted that this plan would actually incorporate one hundred million Mexicans into the United States. Beck explained that Mexico had never really been a national state but simply the result of Spanish coercion. “This is Madrid’s problem.”  But acknowledging the difficulty of 100 million people floating to Barcelona, he said that “some would be welcomed to stay here.”

Recalling a guest workers program of the past, Beck suggested “If these people are willing to do a couple centuries of pro bono work and learn at least six Stephen Foster songs, I don’t see why they would not qualify for three/fifths of a citizen.”

  1. Michele says:

    Meanwhile, in the also strangely Mexican-sounding state of Nevada, Rep. US Senate hopeful Sue Lowden has proposed bartering for medical services with chickens. Some helpful people have responded with this:

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