Petty Cash
“Palin rejects nearly 30 percent of stimulus funds”
Citing reasons of patriotism and Christian values, Alaska’s governor is refusing any federal money with portraits of Democrats or liberals. “The one dollar bill is hunky-dory”, an endorsement that President Washington would have found gratifying. However, President Lincoln’s denomination was rejected. “The man wouldn’t have let Alaska secede from the Union. What kind of American is that?” Palin found ten dollar bills were acceptable, after William Kristol explained whom Alexander Hamilton was. Although most historians regard Hamilton as an amoral, sociopathic megalomaniac, his defenders say that Hamilton was merely a proto-MBA.
Alaska will not accept the twenty dollar bill; Andrew Jackson was the wrong party. The fifty dollar bill is welcome; Ulysses Grant was one of the more successful Republican presidents–being only corrupt and incompetent but not provoking any losing wars. Unfortunately, the hundred dollar bill is also banned in Alaska. Benjamin Franklin was a deist who could speak French. According to Gov. Palin, Christians should speak in tongues except French.
As for coins, they are all prohibited except for quarters that commemorate the states that voted for John McCain.