The Eulogy
HAROLD PINTER DIES
“The Eulogy”
cast: Harold Pinter, ghost and guest of honor
Lady Antonia Fraser, his widow
Ian Holm, actor
Vivien Merchant, first wife
Harold: Should I say something?
Lady Antonia: I really don’t think that it is expected of the dead.
Harold: That’s why I want to. But what should I say?
Antonia: Coherence would be a nice change of pace. Of course, the public would love all the eternal gossip. God’s appearance…or Satan’s. There is an equal audience for either.
Ian Holm: Is he really dead..or is this just another of his inexplicable pauses?
Antonia: Both. And I shouldn’t complain. Those pauses saved you from having to memorize dialogue.
Ian: But I had to look as if I knew something.
Antonia: So did Harold.
Ian: Nobel Prize. Not bad for a cockney.
Vivien Merchant: Always could pronounce his H’s, though.
Antonia: His type always could.
Harold: My type?
Antonia: You know.
Ian: He knows.
Harold: But I love cricket.
Vivien: Social climber.
Antonia: That would explain me.
Vivien: That would explain you.
Harold: Should I say something to this audience?
Antonia: A profound silence should suffice.
Perfect! I was never a fan of old Harold.
You’re such a clever Dickens!