Your RDA of Irony

The Mark of McCain


Speaking before the Conservative Political Action Conference, Senator John McCain apologized for having a left hand and left foot. “I try not to use them.” Facing a hostile audience and flung silverware, the Senator sought to establish his pedigree as a Conservative.

“I never touch any money that pictures a Democrat or a Liberal. I can get by just fine with Washingtons and Hamiltons. You know, when I was captured by North Vietnamese, I kept thinking that I would rather be waterboarded than read the New York Times. During those long years of imprisonment, I’ll tell you what kept me sane and alive. First, just remembering the wonderful movies of Ronald Reagan. What true American wouldn’t want to see Cattle Queen of Montana at least seven times. Then, there was the thought of Midge Decter naked; of course, I always fantasized that we were married first. Finally, I was sustained by the certain knowledge that somewhere in the sky above me, Jesus was beating up Buddha, Allah and Karl Marx.

Now, I stand before you, promising to continue everything that you loved about the last seven years. If you want Dick Cheney to be my vice president too, that’s fine. Moreover, I promise to put Anne Coulter on the Supreme Court–although we should give her maternity leave if she has Antonin Scalia’s baby. Tell me what country you want me to invade, and I’d do it. I want to be your candidate, and I am willing to lose the election just to prove it.”

  1. Alan says:

    His remark is just more case of discrimination and prejudice against left hands and feet!

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