Your RDA of Irony

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf Blitzer?

Act I, scene one: the wreck of a living room. A body stirs from the debris.

Bill: That was a good debate. Hill…Where are you?

voice offstage: I am tweezing the broken glass from my forehead.

Bill: Put ’em back in. Scars might help us with the veteran vote.

A ragged woman staggers in.

Hillary: Why couldn’t I have been President first?

Bill: It’s too late to change our strategy now.

Hillary: Well, we didn’t plan on being the victims of a vast left wing conspiracy.

Bill: It’s your charisma deficit. You’d think that the New York Times would appreciate an Ivy League, emasculating, quasi-Lesbian, cyborg bitch.

Hillary: ********white trash ***** lecherous*****parasite.

Bill: You know, campaigning against me would be a good idea for the general election. But we haven’t got the nomination yet. We need to cut a deal with Obama. Offer him the Vice Presidency and give Oprah two or three seats on the Supreme Court. I’m inviting him and Michelle over for drinks this evening.

Act II: The same wrecked living room, but now a few bottles are standing upright. Bill ushers the Obamas into the room.
Michelle: What an impressive decor. Arkansas traditional?

Bill: No, it’s Democrat contemporary.

Hillary: Save the charm for the voters. Listen, Barak, you scrawny upstart, this is my turn to be President and you are ruining it for me.

Bill: She said upstart, not uppity!

Barak: Don’t worry about the race thing. Michelle’s the only Black here. And if you are going to try buying me off, I’ll want more than 40 acres and a mule.

Hillary: The Vice Presidency.

Barak: That’s just 50 acres and a mule. If Michelle were here, she’d say that you were jiving me. That means you are attempting to deceive and cheat me.

Hillary: Yes, I learned that term from watching “Diff’rent Strokes”?

Barak: Was that the show with Will Smith?

Hillary: Gary Coleman. But I am willing to offer an ambassadorship to both of them.

Barak: Hillary, I want to be President, and People Magazine says I should be. So why should I wait for your turn?

Hillary: I could kill you.

Barak: I could kill you.

Hillary: Would you consider killing Bill?

Barak: Um. Where is he?

Hillary: I imagine that he is with Michelle, and you can imagine the rest.

Barak: Should we have sex in revenge?

Hillary: We can do better than that.

Act III: The inauguration of President Barak Obama. Standing next to him is his Vice President and wife Hillary.

  1. Tosh says:

    Wow what a transformation. Better than today’s cyborgs though.

  2. Alan says:

    One of your best! But no matter what you write, the reality will be even more absurd.



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