Your RDA of Irony

Today’s News Summary

On “Larry King Live” last night a panel of experts tried to explain to Larry the difference between Pakistani, Indians, Native Americans and Armenians. By the end of the hour, it was established that Mike Conners is actually Armenian and that it would be unhealthy for Esther Williams to go swimming in the Ganges.

And while journalists speculated that Benazir Bhutto was pregnant with Kevin Federline’s child, the presidential candidates offered their insights on the death of the Pakistani leader and the ensuing political crisis.

Rudy Guiliani: If I had been President, she’d still be alive.

Barak Obama: Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect and whistle a happy tune. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

Fred Thompson: This is a British problem. It’s their empire. I’m sure Errol Flynn can handle it.

Hillary Clinton: Fox News taught me how to duck.

Willard Romney: I remember my father marching with Gandhi. And I have photos to prove it this time. What do mean that’s Lord Mountbatten?

John Edwards: I am more concerned about that poor, underpaid carpenter who made her coffin. The neglected undertaker’s assistant who is sweeping out the funeral home. I want to be their President, too.

Mike Huckabee: Who was she?

  1. Peggles says:

    A call-in from Dubya: I know my good buddy Pervez will get to the bottom of this tragedy. To help him mount a thorough and honest investigation, I’m asking Congress to send him ten billion dollars to cover the
    bri…oops, expenses for this effort.

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