Your RDA of Irony

Figuratively Speaking

BOSTON – Mitt Romney, who earlier this year had to backpedal on his hunting exploits, is explaining himself again after claiming he witnessed his father in civil rights marches he could not have seen.

“It’s a figure of speech,” Romney said Thursday after media inquiries into the Republican presidential contender’s statement

Plowrut, Iowa: Speaking before the local VFW, Willard Romney recalled seeing the Japanese surrender to his father. “In fact, the Emperor personally offered me his throne, but Dad felt that I should finish college first.”

Witchburn, New Hampshire: Addressing a junior high school history class, Willard Romney proudly remembered seeing his father build the Erie Canal. “Dad was tireless despite having a hand cramp from writing the Declaration of Independence.”

Pleasant Haven, Massachusetts: Telling everyone on the nursing home staff, Willard Romney bragged how his father wrote the Magna Carta. “And it was my idea to add ‘Under God’ to each paragraph.”

  1. Alan says:

    Most people are too stupid to see through his linguistic chicanery, so it works. Not one in 1,000 could tell you what a “figure of speech” is.

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