Your RDA of Irony

I Remember Ma Bell

For the next four hours or so, I will be a hostage to my local phone company, awaiting a service call. It seems that I am about to be ¬†upgraded, elevated and deified by getting a digital phone line. This state of sanctity really wasn’t my idea but the phone company left me no choice.

A few weeks ago I received the following letter…more or less:

Of course, you realize how inferior your analog phone lines are. Just think, every phone call you ever made was pathetic and primitive. But now you can do better. In fact, we insist on it. If you don’t switch over to our new digital service, we are going to drop you as a customer. That’s right: you won’t have any phone service at all. Better start learning semaphores.

Or you could have all the advances of our new digital service. The quality of your voice will be so improved that people will think you are working for a sex hotline. Furthermore, if you sign up now, you’ll discover that all those problems with our cable television service will somehow disappear. Wasn’t it strange that we always broadcast those civil alert tests during Final Jeopardy?

And best of all, when you sign up for our digital phone service, the Justice Department won’t think that you have anything to hide.

How could I refuse?

  1. Judy says:

    You can’t refuse!
    Good luck!

  2. And now Judy can’t wait to call my home, knowing that Karen will sound like Lauren Bacall and I will be indistinguishable from Jeremy Irons.

  3. Bob Kincaid says:

    Is Jeremy Irons the entry level emulation?

    If so, spring the extra 15 bucks for the guy who used to narrate NFL films. THERE was a voice!

    “The turf was frozen solid at Soldier Field that day, when the Bears took the field against a seemingly hapless Dallas team. Roger Staubach was so stiff he was almost embalmed by mistake just before kick-off . . . “

  4. Update

    It is one day later, and now with our upgrade we have no phone service at all.

    I thought that supposed to happened only if we didn’t get the upgrade.

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