Your RDA of Irony

Spam and Bologna

Topic 1: I think that the quality of spam is improving. Here is an unsolicited ad that I just received.

Click Here To View Feynman’s Page Nobel Laureates Featured On Vega: … erectile dysfunction com viagra online generic erectile dysfunction diet …

Now, how many Nobel acceptance speeches discussed “erectile dysfunction”? I am sure that Ernest Hemingway wanted to. And I believe that Marie Curie complained about the social pressure to shave her legs. Linus Pauling could have asked the audience if anyone would lend him some Swedish coins for the parking meter. But evidently only Richard Feynman was so inspired by the thought of Nobel groupies and the demands that they might make on him.

Topic 2: The Suppuration of Church and State

In my adventures as a speechwriter, I have grown too familiar with the Willard Romneys of this world. They have nothing to say, but always want an audience. Willard just did that, purportedly addressing the topic of his religion convictions but presenting instead a platter of platitudes. However, he did say something memorable if only because it was so absurd.

Freedom requires religion, just as religion requires freedom.

The Founding Fathers would have been surprised to hear that freedom requires religion. And any number of Inquisitors and Imans have disproved that religion requires freedom.

Of course, Willard could deal with those Founding Fathers, Inquisitors and Imans by converting them to Mormonism. One of the more unique facilities of his faith is posthumous conversion. One of the apparent advantages of death is that you can become a Mormon with just a little paperwork; the corpse’s consent is not even necessary. Just imagine Ben Franklin, Tomas Torquemada and the Ayatollah Khomeini sitting in the same pew listening to the Tabernacle Chorus. In fact, Willard could convert 39 of our past Presidents into Latter Day Saints.

Then he could proclaim, “If Mormonism was good enough for Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln, it should be good enough for every American.”

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